What actually happened on the barricades
by Bam it's Rachel
Summary: Hello, this is what I think actually happened on the barricades or what would happen if Fan girls managed to get on/in not sure on the correct grammar there. This includes many things such as Princess Marius. Bahorel and Courfeyrac are Directioners. Jehan gets a cat. Drinking with Javerrrt. And an appearance from the Patron Minette *OHHH* Much better than described
1. When Enjy leaves Grantaire alone

What actually happened on the barricades.

Author's note: HHHHHHHEEELLLLOOOO. I am writing this story as well as my other three. Ohhh risky. After a reviewer Iceflower said that I should turn the barricades from my other story into its own story. So then the gears in my mind turned and thought "Damn, why didn't I come up with that."

So I am writing this at 00:54am on a coffee, fall out boy and bastille rush. Because I am suicidal and want to die in the morning. Yet I do this every night. INTERNET AND COFFEE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!

Disclaimer: There is a long list of things I would love to own…. Les Mis and Aaron Tveit at the top of this long list.

Chapter one: The rules of da barricades and Rule 1)

Do not let Grantaire and Rachel (as authoress and in the original barricade story I am apart, suck it up.) In the barricades without a responsible person in charge! As we will not have a barricade left and Enjolras will cry… again.

Do not call Enjolras, Enjy-bear or Enjy-fish. Unless you are Rachel, then you can do it as it entertains everyone. As Enjy-bea… Enjolras has a hissy fit.

Jehan is not allowed a cat.

Rachel and Gavroche is not allowed alcohol under any circumstance, they are both under age. The offending person will be locked in a closet with Marius after meeting Cosette.

Do not tell Courfeyrac and Grantaire lies when they are drunk they will believe you and end up doing something stupid.

There will be no boyband formed, no matter how much Courfeyrac begs!

Do not mention Enjonine or Enjoltaire or Enjolferre EVER! Or face the wrath of all four of them!

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE INVITE FAN BOYS OR GIRLS TO THE BARRICADE!

Do not tell Rachel that she has crap music taste or will the punishment will not be very pleasant for you. If you insult it have fun listening to fall out boy and Bastille on repeat.

Do not tell Joly anything that concerns illness or germs. You will be forced to clean the barricade to his standard.

Do not comment on Bossuet's bad luck… it's not very nice.

Tasteless pick up lines on Eponine will be deflected and you will be shamed

Do not use Rachel or Jehan as an excuse to watch romance movies. Bahorel we know it is you.

No laughing when Enjy tells us some 'news'

We are never playing truth or dare again...

No food fights allowed.

Do not make fun of Enjolras's undying devotion to the cause. If he speaks to a girl do not act surprised and say "What will Patria say?"

Cosette and Marius are not allowed to be in the same room with all the Amis as there will be a fight

Allowing people to kidnap members of the Amis isn't very nice and it would be appreciated a lot if it stopped.

Do not swap Enjolras's imported hair gel for hair dye. You will be found out….

Do not involve any one's mother in any argument. You will have to sit on the naughty chair for half an hour.

Do not use Jehan's poetry as a way to pick girls. It is very rude and not nice.

We are not having a party with fan girls and the National guard, we do not want a repeat of last time...

What happens when Grantaire and Rachel is left without anyone to tell them what to do

Me: Got any ace's?

Grantaire: Go fish.

Enjolras: I and Ferre will be leaving to check on the other barricades. We will be back tomorrow.

*Grantaire and I grin at each other.*

Enjolras: You two , there will be NO PARTIES or ALCOHOL while we are gone.

*We roll eyes and turn back to our game.*

Me: Is Enjy-bear gone?

Grantaire: *Looks around* yes.

Me: We are free!

Grantaire: Vodka, M'lady?

Me: Why I would love a spot of vodka on this fine day.

Bahorel: R, do you mind sharing the vodka.

Grantaire: Not at all. Sharing is caring and I am all for caring.

*Everyone get's drunk.*

Courfeyrac: Tell me girl if every time

we touch

you get this kinda rush

Baby Say yeah, yeah,yeah (x2)

Bahorel: If you don't wanna to take this slow

And if you just wanna take me home

Baby say yeah, yeah, yeah (x2)

Marius: Let me kiss you!

Me: Argh worst one direction impersonation ever.

Grantaire: I agree with her. And Marius you shouldn't be kissing anyone but Cosette.

Marius: *starts going on about Cosette*

Me: R you idjit you've started him off again.

Marius: Her laugh is like a bird song in the early spring. Her hair is the colour of the finest gold thread.

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Marius: Why are you so mean to me *runs away crying*

Me: Where are you going R?

Grantaire: Getting more wine, back one moment.

*Grantaire goes and gets alcohol and stumbles in Bosseut who falls into Joly who falls into… well you get the idea.*

Me: Shit R you made half the barricade fall down.

Grantaire: Merde, Enjy is going to murder us….

Enjolras: We're back…. Oh my French revolution. My barricade. *Falls to the floor crying.*

Me: *backs away, slowly.*

Author's notes: Soooooo, I hope this isn't too bad. It will get better and in my defence it is now 02:05am. Thank you for reading this slightly strange story. I understand if you are now slightly worried about me and the fact I wrote Courfeyrac, Bahorel and Marius singing one direction but I could see Courfeyrac as a Harry Style. Anyone else *lone cricket chirps* Never mind then.

LOVE YOU ALL XXXXXX


	2. No nicknames or cats

Author's note: Hey, how are you on this fine morning/evening/night/afternoon. Think you for following, reviewing and ect. I am slightly worried about my health after being up until two this morning and still being able to function. Anyways let's carry on with this craziness.

Disclaimer: Hahahahahhahaha you thought I own les mis hahahaha NO!

Why no one but Rachel is allowed to call Enjolras 'Enjy-bear' or 'Enjy-fish'. And why Jehan is not allowed a cat.

Me: I'm bored.

Grantaire: Same, why did Enjolras confiscate our alcohol. Life is more interesting when you're drunk.

Me: I would drink to that. But we don't have alcohol.

Grantaire: What shall we do?

Me: *strokes imaginary beard.* Hmmmm, let's annoy Enjolras.

Grantaire: That's a good idea. But how….

Me: *paces* Ah ha I have an idea. *whispers in Grantaire's ear*

Grantaire: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US!

Me: No, I just always wanted to see what would happen if I invited the National Guard to barricade party.

Grantaire: *Face palm.*

Me: Fine what else will annoy him? *starts pacing again.*

Grantaire: Why not sell him to an art gallery and say he is a marble statue of the Greek God Apollo.

Me: Good, but not good enough. Hey why don't we have a competition to see who can get him the most annoyed?

Grantaire: Loser has to be locked in a wardrobe with Joly after telling him he has a deadly disease.

Me: You're on.

Enjolras: *Reading something smart and political and very boring*

Me: Enjolras? Why don't you like girls?

Enjolras: I like girls, never said I didn't

Me: No I mean why don't you go out with them?

Enjolras: If you are trying to set me up with Eponine again, I will literally use you as target practice.

Me: I was only trying to say that you are going to die old and alone.

Enjolras: And so are you…

Me: But I will have cats :P

Enjolras: *Face palm* why?

Me: Because cats are cool. Unlike you.

Enjolras: I'M COOL.

Me: Sure…..

Enjolras: You are so mean.

Me: Yeah, I know.

*Goes away after that fail.*

Grantaire: How did you do?

Me: I don't know… your turn.

Grantaire: Watch and learn kid.

Me: I'm not a kid. A kid is a baby goat.

Grantaire: Shut up…

*Grantaire goes into café*

Grantaire: Hey Enjolras, how is it being all divine.

Enjolras: Shut it wine cask.

Grantaire: I want to know. Do you not speak to girls because it reminds you how Daphne rejected you and became a tree?

Enjolras: Wow, not even funny.

Grantaire: On the contrary I find it rather amusing.

Enjolras: Do you something better to do with your life?

Grantaire: Not particular.

Enjolras: You and Rachel are up to something.

Grantaire: Psh not we are not. Why would you suspect that?

Enjolras: Because you always are…

Grantaire: Ok, well I'm going to do… WHAT IS THAT JOLY? COMING TO HELP YOU NOW.  
Joly: What da fuck? *carry's on inspecting his tongue in a mirror*

Me: You failed.

Grantaire: So did you.

Me: Watch the master now.

*Steals red flag and wears it as a cape*

Enjolras: Wow now, Rachel put the flag down.

Me: No way Enjy-bear.

Enjolras: Do not call me that!

Me: Fine how's Enjy-fish.

Enjolras: MY NAME IS ENJOLRAS! NOT ENJY-BEAR OR ENJY-FISH. IT'S ENJOLRAS!

Me: Calm down Enjy-bear.

Enjolras: *Becomes so angry that steam is coming out of his ears. And his face is as red as his vest.*

Grantaire: Will I'll be in wardrobe. You get Joly.

Joly: Why are you saying my name all the time?

Me: Long story. But I need you go into the wardrobe with Grantaire to stop the spread of a highly disease called Revolutionary-idiot-syndrome.

Joly: Oh no, I've never heard of this disease. Have I got it? * Joly panics*

Me: Go see Grantaire, he's the expert.

Grantaire:*In wardrobe* Thanks for that. Note the sarcasm! Also very original name.

Me: *Locks Joly in the wardrobe with Grantaire*Have fun guys… Wait that sounds awfully wrong. And there was no innuendo intended there.

Enjolras: What the hell was that about?

Me: Nothing you should worry your revolutionary head about

Enjolras: *Sneezing fit*

Combeferre: Are you ok Enjolras?

Enjolras: No. I only sneeze like this when there's a cat around.

Jehan: *looks nervously side to side.*

Me: what's wrong Jehan?

Jehan: Nothings wrong. *A meow comes from his jacket.

Enjolras: ACHO! Jehan, ACHO. Have you got a… ACHO, ACHO. Cat?

Jehan: Psh, no why would I have a *another meow comes from his jacket.*

Combeferre: Then I'm curious to why your jacket is making meowing sounds.

Jehan: *Gets adorable kitten out of his jacket. *

Enjolras: SPAWN OF SATAN!

Me: Huh, normally when says that he is saying it to me. And this cat can't be the spawn of Satan. It is too cute.

Enjolras: Get rid of it!

Jehan: No, Hardy is my cat.

Enjolras: But this is my barricade.

Me: Who cares, this cat is cute.

Author's note: So I hope you enjoyed this rather short entry, the next chapter will be better I promise. While writing this I had an image of Jehan listening to fall out boy. And it was very scary image. Anyway this my daily dose of craziness over. LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	3. No alcohol is given to those under age

Author's note: You lot are lucky I have no social life because two updates technically three in a day is rare for me.

Thank you for your reviews! To have 5 on the first day I am freaking out, having a one person party and basically dying from happiness. So thank you virtual hugs and kisses.

Disclaimer: If I wrote Les mis… lord knows what it would be like.

Why Rachel and Gavroche are not allowed alcohol under any circumstance!

Me: *Speaking into a hair brush* Now we are entering the habitat of the endangered species called The Barricade boys. Now they you have many different types of Barricade boys. Here is the first one.

*Spots Combeferre reading quietly.*

Me: Here we have the Combeferre. Also known as The Ferre or Mamma Ferre.

Combeferre: Mamma what?

Me:*ignores mamma ferre.* He is rather quiet and is rarely seen by the outside world as he is always reading. Now we move on to the next type. The Courfeyrac. Ladies be careful.

*Sneaks over to a sleeping Courfeyrac.*

Me: The Courfeyrac also known as The Fey or simply Courf. Is an animal that loves to chase females. But also is fan of Harry Styles and one direction. Do not approach if singing songs you will be hypnotised to join in.

*Now goes up to Bahorel, who is listening to one direction.*

Me: This is a type simply known as Bahorel. Now be careful not to start an argument with him. You will lose. Bahorel is also a directioner but is a Niall Horan fan. Many nights we have tracked his and The Fey's arguments.

Bahorel: Baby you light up my world like no one else.

Me: We better move on. Ahhhh here's the Grantaire. Very rarely seen by the outside world. He is almost always intoxicated or annoying our last type of Barricade boy for the day.

*Sees Enjolras writing a speech.*

Me: Here we have the leader of the Barricade boys. This type is called Enjolras. He is also gone by Apollo, Marble man, Divine one, Enjy-bear, Enjy-fish and many other names he doesn't know about.

*Enjolras glares, but carries on*

Me: Now he is also socially awkward, bossy, a control freak, stick in the mud and needs to learn how to fun. If you spot an Enjolras in your area. Please be careful as he will start building barricades and…

Enjolras: What the hell are you doing?

Me: Making a documentary.

Enjolras: You were watching David Attenborough again weren't you.

Me: Yes.

*Enjolras rolls eyes and carries on working.*

Grantaire: I need alcohol.

Me: So do I.

Enjolras: Rachel your underage, so you can't have any.

*I whine and complain.*

Grantaire: Psh Rachel get here.

Me: *I walk over* Yes R.

Grantaire: Let's get Enjy boy drunk

Me:* I grin* Yes boiiii

*Makes Enjolras a coffee but fills half the cup with Absinthe.*

Me: Here Enj have a cup of coffee.

Enjolras: *Raises eyebrow* did you poison it?

Me: No.

Enjolras: Is there anything that shouldn't be in there, in the there?

Me: No

Enjolras: *Drinks in carefully* Tastes different.

Me: It's because I used a new type of coffee.

*Enjolras downs it, me and Grantaire burst into laughter.*

Enjolras: Wwhat's sssoo funnnny? Wwaait youuu sppiiiked my coffee.

Me: No it's a different type, called Irish.

Gavroche: What happened to Enjolras?

Me: He may or may not be drunk.

Combeferre: Jesus he's a lightweight. Come on Enj time to sleep.

Me: Grantaire, I bet I can drink you under the table.

Grantaire: Bring it.

*Me and Grantaire have a drinking competition.*

Me: I- I'm ggooing ttoo win thiiiss.

Grantaire: Nnnno I-I-I ammmm.

*Gavroche sneaks bottle of Grantaire's beer*

Grantaire: Nighty night. *Grantaire falls asleep, on table hugging a bottle of Absinthe.*

Me: Woo I-I-I winn *falls asleep on chair.*

*NEXT DAY*  
Me: Arrrgh the light it burns.

Grantaire: You get used to it.

Me: Oh yeah R I beat you.

Grantaire: Shut up…

Enjolras: I am going to murder you two.

Me: It was Grantaire's idea. I am being influenced by a him. You can't blame me.

Enjolras: Both of you in the wardrobe of shame.

Me: Fine….

Grantaire: This is unfair.

Enjolras: Marius, Grantaire and Rachel want to hear about Cosette again. They are inn wardrobe of shame. Go and talk to them.

Marius: Cosette *dreamy look in his eyes goes to the wardrobe of shame.*

Enjolras: * locks us in*

Me: THIS IS CRULE AND UNUSAL PUNISHMENT. I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO MY LAWYER!

Grantaire: Out of everyone in this barricade you picked Princess Marius. Even listening to Jehan's poetry is more interesting.

Jehan: Hey, leave me out of this. I'm going to take Hardy to the groomers now.

Enjolras: ACHO! Damned spawn of Satan.

Author's note: I hope you liked that. It was fun to write. Grantaire is the most fun to write as he is similar to my friend Lily. Both are pessimists, cynical and like alcohol. No I kid Lily is not an alcoholic. But it is easier to write him than anyone else.

But for now I bid you all Adieu.

P.S LOVE YOU ALL XXXX


	4. Leprechaun hunting and boy bands

Author's note: Hey, you reading this story. Thanks for reading. I am really enjoying writing this story thing. Partly because it is much easier. And it gets rid of excess plot bunnies. I have also made/ making changes to da list.

Disclaimer: I own les mis. Yeah you heard me. I am the reincarnation of Victor Hugo and didn't agree with how serious the barricades were.

Why there shouldn't be a band called 'The Barricade Boys'

Me: Enjolras. Enjolras. ENJOLRAS!

Enjolras: Yes…

Me: I'm bored.

Enjolras: Sooooo….

Me: Just saying…

Enjolras: Just saying what?

Me: Nothing…. *mutters to self.* time of the month.

Enjolras: Heard you.

Me: Don't care. I'm going to see if there is anyone more interesting *leaves Enjolras.*

Courfeyrac: Ok now he was close

He tried to domesticate you

But you're an animal

Baby it's in your nature

Just let me liberate you

You don't need no papers

That man is not your mate

That's why I'm gon' a take you…

Grantaire: Good girl!

I know you want it (x3)

You're a good girl

Can't let it past me

Me fall from plastic

Talk about getting blasted!

Me: What are you doing? And do not say that again *shudders*

Grantaire: We are starting a boy band.

Me: *Sigh* Please don't tell me you're calling it the barricade boys. And you are drunk aren't you

Grantaire: When am I ever not…

Courfeyrac: I am offended you suggested that name. We actually have taste.

Me: You were calling it that weren't you…

Courfeyrac: Shut up

Me: Well I'm going to go on tumblr.

Grantaire: Actually how do you go on the computer and all that shit? We are in 1832 and on a barricade.

Me: Meh, I'm the authoress so what I say goes…

*Walks away.*

Grantaire: We need more than two people for a band… who shall we include? *strokes imaginary beard.*

Courfeyrac: Well Bahorel is a huge fan of boy bands, so he will know a lot. Jehan seems like the type of person who has musical talent and we need one more person. *Scratches head.*

Marius: Argh my quill broke and now I can't finish my love letter to Cosette!

Grantaire: Marius. Every group needs someone everyone forgets.

Courfeyrac: Fine, but can they sing?

Grantaire: In the movie we can all sing.

Courfeyrac: Cool beans.

*Later when 'The Barricade Boys' have formed. And are very, very drunk.*

Grantaire: Ok from the top and Marius do not ruin it

Marius: I didn't do anything….

Jehan: Can we sing something other than one direction like fall out boy.

Me: Jehan you like fall out boy? Never expected that.

Jehan: Why?

Me: Well it is a rock, punk pop type of music and well you don't seem like that type of guy.

Courfeyrac: I cannot deal with you amateurs. I quit.

Me: Diva. Jehan want to fan girl over fall out boy with me?

Jehan: Yes.

Do not feed lies to a drunk Courfeyrac and Grantaire. They will believe anything and you have to clean up the miss.

Me: Bossuet, where is everyone? It is too quite.

Bossuet: I don't know. I fainted when fell down the stairs.

Me: Wait what is that I hear. It is drunken singing. Then it is Grantaire.

Grantaire: Give me your

Give me your

Give me your attention baby

I gotta tell you a little

Something about yourself

You're wonderful, flawless

Ohh you're a sexy lady

But you're walking around here

Like you want to be someone else.

Courfeyrac: Oh whoa

I know that you don't know it

But you're fine, so fine

(Fine, so fine)

Oh whoa

Oh girl I'm going to show you

When you're mine, oh mine

(Mine, oh mine.)

*Grantaire joins in*

Treasure

That is what you are!

Honey, you're my golden star.

I know you can make my dreams come true.

If you let my wish come true

And let me treasure you.

Me: I'm too scared to ask what that was about.

Grantaire: We are hunting Easter Bunnies by singing Treasure by Bruno Mars and burning Easter eggs

Me: But it's not Easter.

Grantaire: But Easter bunnies know where leprechaun's live.

Me: I know where they live.

Courfeyrac: Really, where! *jumps up and down like a child.*

Me: You dig a hole that is really deep. Actually dig until you see a wooden door. Open the door.

Grantaire: Then…

Me: Then you see a huge marble room. In this room.

Courfeyrac: Yes…

Me: Leave a bowl of Lucky Charms and two bottle of Guinness. Then surround these with candles and clovers. The next morning you will see a group of Leprechauns.

Grantaire: Oh my God, let's start digging.

Me: Idjits…

Courfeyrac: What.

Me: Nothing.

*Next morning.*

Enjolras: Oh my French revolution. Why is there a giant hole in the middle of the barricade! * Vein on Enjy's forehead almost bursts.*

Courfeyrac: Rachel told us how to find leprechauns. But none are in there.

Me: You forgot to use a net to trap them.

Courfeyrac: Ohhh

Enjolras: *Face palm* Rachel you will clean all this mess up.

Me: I didn't make it.

Enjolras: You made the mess by confusing the two drunken idiots.

Courfeyrac: Hey! I'm a HOT drunken idiot.

Me: No you're not…

Enjolras: Clean up this mess.

Me: fine *insert non k+ words of irritation*

Author's note: Hello again. Hope you enjoyed this weird chapter. While writing this while having a war against insects. And the insects are winning….

Anyway I am thinking of doing a YouTube video thing. Do know yet but yeah. I'll update soon. LOVE YOU ALL XX


	5. Pairings are not welcome

Author's note: Hello I am back again. Yes you cannot get rid of me, I'm immortal Mwhahaha. *cough* Sorry gone a little mad there.

But thank you for reviewing it makes me happy and encourages me to write more craziness and slightly weird things. So here's a cookie for all of you, **(::)**

Disclaimer: Now I have a huge secret…. It is that I actually own Les Mis. I time travelled. Pretended to be a man called Victor and wrote Les Misérables.

Do not mention Enjoltaire, Enjonine or Enjolferre or feel they're wraith.

Me: Enjolras…

Enjolras: Yes?

Me: Why don't you have a girlfriend?

Enjolras: *Sigh* because my mistress is Patria and the revolution.

Me: That is adultery, you cannot go out with two people at the same time…

Enjolras: *Face palm* Just no, no.

Me: I'm going to see someone slightly more interesting.

Enjolras: I'm interesting…

Me: Keep believing that. *leaves room*

Courfeyrac: Gah, I need to speak to someone I can flirt with.

Me: Bit desperate.

Courfeyrac: I know.

Me: Hmmm, want to intrude into Enjolras love life?

Courfeyrac: Why not?

Me: First let's try setting him up with Grantaire.

Courfeyrac: Why do you think he's batting for the other team?

Me: You never know with politicians.

Courfeyrac: But he's not… never mind.

OTP 1) Enjoltaire

Me: You speak to Grantaire, I'll speak to Enjy-bear.

Courfeyrac: Ok

Me: *Walks into café* Hi Enjolras

Enjolras: *looks at me suspiciously* Hello.

Me: *Sigh*

Enjolras: *Ignores me and carries on doing revolutionary stuff.*

Me: *Sigh*

Enjolras: *still ignores me*

Me: *SIGH cough cough SIGH*

Enjolras: Yes pain… I mean Rachel.

Me: I'm sad.

Enjolras: So?

Me: *death glare* I'm sad.

Enjolras: Why are you sad…?

Me: I'm going to die alone.

Enjolras: I thought you already knew that.

Me: *Death glaring so hard that you can smell burning.*

Enjolras: Sorry… what does this exactly relate to me?

Me: Don't you ever feel sad when you realize that you will probably two?

Enjolras: No.

Grantaire: *Runs around the barricade screaming* No Courf too far. I don't have feelings for Enjy. Never have, never will. So help me if you ever say that again!

Courfeyrac: It was a suggestion!

Me: Never mind, have fun with Patria… I'll be on … my way.

Enjolras: Rachel… were you planning on setting me up with *shudders* Grantaire.

Me: Psh… no. WAIT JOLY, WHAT DID YOU WANT. OK I'LL I COME TO SEE YOU NOW!

Joly: Why do people use me as a backup plan?

OTP 2) Enjolferre

Courfeyrac: Ok that was a fail. New plan?

Me: You know me well. Ok next Enjolras pairing is with Combeferre.

Courfeyrac: Again what with him bating for the other team?

Me: *Shrugs.* Ok I take Combeferre and from now on you take Enjy.

Courfeyrac: Fine, but if end up a target practice, I'm bringing you down with me!

Me: Ok * walks away*

Combeferre: Hello Rachel.

Me: Hi Ferre *sighs*

Combeferre: What's wrong?

Me: Got rejected again.

Combeferre: Oh… *awkward look side to side.*

Me: Have you ever been rejected?

Combeferre: Once because the lady met me while I was with Grantaire walking to the café.

Me: So how many people have you been in a relationship with?

Combeferre: Well let me count…. First there was Eloise, then Johanna… *counts* after Rose there was Emmanuelle or was Alexa. Can't remember. Right now I'm going out with Violet.

Me: You've gotten around then.

Combeferre: You could say that. But unlike Courfeyrac, I actually stay with them longer than a week.

Me: fair enough. Speaking of Courfeyrac I need to speak to him quickly. * Runs away and drags Courfeyrac away from a confused Enjolras*

Courfeyrac: What the fuck?

Me: This plan has failed. Ferre has a girlfriend.

Courfeyrac: Really, I never knew that.

Me: Yeah he has gotten around a bit.

Courfeyrac: Huh… you think you know someone?

OTP 3) Enjonine

Me: Right we have one last pair to try with Enjolras.

Courfeyrac: Who?

Me: Eponine

Courfeyrac: Oh god, I'm taking Enjolras.

Me: Why?

Courfeyrac: Eponine will end up murdering me.

Me: Half of the female population of Paris would murder you if had the chance.

Courfeyrac: What the other half? *Raises eyebrow.*

Me: The other half were sensible and did not stoop so low as to sleep with you.

Courfeyrac: That was too far. Well I'm going to see Enjy bear. Au rivoire.

Me: *using amazing authoress powers to teleport Eponine here.*

Eponine: How the hell did I get here?

Me: I used authoress powers to get you.

Eponine: Why… I was busy.

Me: Well I wanted to spend time with a girl. Even though Bahorel is pretty close.

Eponine: Ok…

Me: So have you ever gone out with anyone?

Eponine: I went out with a twat called Montparnasse. But other than that I only ever loved Marius.

Me: I think you should go out with someone else?

Eponine: *Narrows eyes* who…

Me: Don't know *Cough* Enjolras *Cough*

Eponine: NOOOO

Me: YESSSS

Eponine: NOOOO

Me: Wait you are blushing. Oh my rubber ducks you like Enjolras!

Eponine: No, no, just no.

Me: Eponine and Enjy sitting in a tree.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love

Then comes marriage

Eponine: *Face palm* No, just, no.

Me: You can tell me. I won't tell a soul.

Eponine: Sorry but I have learnt to trust no one who invites you to barricades.

Me: That is a useful lesson.

Eponine: I'm leaving.

Me: Fine *breaks into song*

Just go

Just walk out the door

Just turn around now

Because you're not welcome anymore

Eponine: I think Revolutionary-idiot syndrome is spreading.

Joly: Oh no, I feared for this. *Joly faints due to Panic attack*

Eponine: *face palm* How do people put up with this?

Authors note: Hello again. This was probably my favourite one too write so far. Well I am going to write soon because it is 01:06 am and I am tired so good night or good morning/ afternoon/ evening.

LOVE YOU ALL XOXO  
Gossip girl. (Sorry couldn't resist.)


	6. Disappearing fan girls and Narnia

Author's note: Hey soul sista who's that… sorry that song was in my head. Thank you for your reviews, they always make my day. I am in so much pain right now. I went to a wedding yesterday in 4 inch high heels so I ended up 6ft tall and I hit my head so many times I actually think my brain cells are all dead.

As a massive thank you to all who reviewed you will be included down below

Disclaimer: *sigh* I do not own les mis. *SIGH* I do not own Mr perfect Tveit either as much as I would love too.

DO NOT INVITE FAN GIRLS TO THE BARRICADE

Me: Why is it soooo dull here today?

Grantaire: Because it is dull here.

Me: What shall we do?

Grantaire: Party…

Me: Yeah, it also would annoy Enjolras as a bonus.

*We get copious amounts of alcohol*

Grantaire: Rachel, you're in charge of music. And I'll be in charge of drinks.

Me: Ok. *Plugs in laptop to speakers.*

Grantaire: I'm going to break into Enjy's drink cabinet. *leaves room*

Me: *Whips out phone* Hmmm let's make things more interesting *evil laugh.*

*half an hour later*

Grantaire: I'm too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my shirt,

So sexy it hurts….

Me: No Grantaire, no.

Courfeyrac: What is that sound?

Me: What sound? *looks side to side in a suspicious manner*

Combeferre: There's someone climbing the barricade.

Eponine: Do not shoot, I was invited here by Rachel.

Me: It is true, I thought we should invite Eponine for the party.

Courfeyrac: Hey want to be a piece of my collection? *winks.*

Me: *cough* desperado *cough*

Gavroche: What's your collection?

Courfeyrac:*laughs* I'll tell you when you're old enough for one.

Eponine: Do not corrupt his innocence!

Joly: HELP!

Enjolras:*wakes up from nap.* what the hell?

Joly: Fan girls… attacking the… barricade…. tried to steal my nose scratching cane.

All the Amis: WHAT!

Me: I see some climbing over

Eponine: This is why I don't trust anyone who lives in barricades

AzureOtter: Woo! I managed to climb the barricade.

Guest: Oh my God, Enjy!

All other fan girls: Where!

Enjolras: Where's the National Guard when you need someone to shoot you?

LoverofPatria: Where's Gavroche, I brought him cookies.

Gavroche: I'm here, now please pass the cookies.

Iceflower: Eponine, why aren't you with Enjolras?

Eponine: That's a personal question that I'm not willing to answer.

Enjolras: Can people stop interfering with my love life?

Everyone around him: No!

Stagepageandscreen: Is it me or is it cold here?

Combeferre: It's you.

Courfeyrac: Hello ladies *walks with swag*

Other: No Courfeyrac, don't even try.

Courfeyrac: *mumbling non K+ stuff*

Iceflower: Enjolras why aren't you with Eponine?

Enjolras: Because I am married to revolution and Patria.

AzureOtter: That's adultery!  
Me: I said that….

Enjolras: *face palm* Please National Guard shoot me.

National Guardsmen #1: No we are on our break. So anyway Henri said….

Enjolras: Fine, Javerrrrrrrt shoot me!

Javerrrrrrrt: No I'm going drinking.

Grantaire: Can I join?

Javerrrrrrrt: No because last time you made fun of the lawrrrrrr.

Grantaire: I promise I won't this time.

Javerrrrrrrt: Fine, but the first round is on you.

Me: Marius, where have you been?

Marius: I was with Cosette because Enjolras made me cry when he dissed Napoleon.

Me: cool beans….

LoverofPatria: Marius, why do you stalk Cosette before you actually know her?

Marius: My beloved Cosette *sigh*

Other: Great one you started him off!

LoverofPatria: it was an accident!

Enjolras and Eponine: WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!

Enjolras: All fan girls get in the wardrobe of shame!

Fan girls: Fine… *gets in wardrobe*

*Half an hour later and the wardrobe is silent.*

Me: It's awfully quiet here.

Eponine: It is actually.

Me: I'll see if they are ok in there.

WHAT THE FUCK!

Enjolras: What's wrong?

Me: They've disappeared.

Combeferre: What do you mean?

Me: Look!  
Combeferre: I don't believe it. Where are they?

Me: Oh, I left this in here.

Joly: What did you leave?

Me: *Holds up copy of The lion, the witch and the wardrobe.*

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry I took so long to update. I'll update again soon.

LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	7. Music war, Ikea and flat pack barricades

Author's note: Long time no see. Sorry for the wait but the Internet in my house is so freaking erratic and annoying. But I also needed time to think up some craziness and write it up.

It is 01:10am WHY CAN'T I SLEEP LIKE A 'NORMAL' PERSON?

Disclaimer: Sorry but I am not Victor Hugo as 1) I am not French, 2) I am not 200 years old and lastly 3) I AM NOT A MAN!

Unless you want to listen to Bastille and fall out boy constantly, do not offend Rachel's music taste,

Bossuet: Joly, for the last time I haven't got rabies. I was bitten by a dog yes, but the dog didn't have rabies itself.

Joly: You could still have contracted it you never know unless you find out.

Bossuet: I may be unlucky, but I'm sure I do not have rabies.

Me: Shut the fucking hell up! I'm trying to listen to my music here.

Bossuet: Sorry Rachel, please tell Joly to leave me alone!

Me: Joly leave Bossuet alone.

Joly: But he could die!

Me: Well if he dies you can say I told you so. But until then SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Joly: Sorry mother….

Me: *Death glare*

*Joly runs away scared for his life*

Courfeyrac: I am soooo bored. I haven't been able to add anyone to my collection for weeks!

Combeferre: Ewww, too much information there Courf.

Me: Is it so difficult for you lot to be quiet for a day?

Combeferre: Sorry *carries on reading.*

Courfeyrac: What are you doing anyway?

Me: Listening to music.

Courfeyrac: I would much rather be listening to me rather than your crappy music choices.

Me: Take that back! You don't even know what music I'm listening to!

Courfeyrac: You are listening to Bastille and fall out boy. And they are crap.

Me: You leave me no choice. *Unplugs headphones.*

Courfeyrac: *falls to the floor* I'm dying… death by awful music!

Me: Oh too bad, I'll just turn it up louder.

Jehan: Hey, what's happening here?

Me: Courfeyrac said fall out boy and Bastille is crap.

Jehan: No he didn't…

Me: Yes he did, so now you will all listen to my music

Grantaire: Courf I am going to kill you. None of us like this 'music' but don't insult it.

Jehan: Actually I like it.

Courfeyrac: Sorry.

Me: I will not turn it off until you lot say it's not that bad and you grovel.

Courfeyrac: I do not grovel for anything!

Me: Jehan would you like to pick the next song?

*an hour later*

Feuilly: Courfeyrac please just grovel and apologise or we will all murder you.

Courfeyrac: No!

Enjolras: Grovel or I will ban you all from getting drunk for two months.

Everyone else: Please Courf!

Courfeyrac: Fine

Me: Decided to apologise yet?

Courfeyrac: I'm sorry for saying you had bad music taste.

Me: Not good enough. I would beg on your knees.

Courfeyrac: What, you are having way too much fun.

Me: Oh well.

Courfeyrac: *begs on his knees* I am sorry that I ever doubted your taste in music. I will never offend it again. Just please turn it off.

Me: Since you asked nicely, ok. *Turns of music.*

Courfeyrac: Thank you.

Do not tell Joly anything that concerns illnesses or you will be forced to clean the barricade to his standard. And no one is allowed to take Bossuet to Ikea

Bossuet: *holds ice pack to his head*

Feuilly: What happened now mon ami?

Bossuet: Me, Rachel, Courf and Grantaire went to Ikea to jump out of wardrobes and say "Narnia was so cool." But we were all squished and I fell out, then tripped and fell out to an escalator that went up so I never stopped falling.

Feuilly:*face palm*

Me: I videoed it though and it was hilarious.

Feuilly: You didn't help him?

Me: Friends help. Best friends laugh, help you up and trip you over again.

Bossuet: Which she did.

Courfeyrac: Four times.

Grantaire: I got a present for Enjy. A flat-pack barricade building set.

Feuilly: They sell those?

Me: You basically bought everything in the saw and put it in a giant box.

Grantaire: Yeah.

Feuilly: Next time bring me as well.

Me: Ok.

Bossuet: Ah… Ah…Ah

Feuilly: DO NOT SNEZ-

Bossuet: AAACCCCHHHOOOO!

Feuilly: Sneeze….

Joly: WHO SNEEZED?!

*Everyone points to Bossuet*

Joly:*Gets a gas mask* you might Pneumonia or plague or the smallpox

Feuilly: The plague and smallpox aren't around anymore…

Joly: That's what they want you to think!

Enjolras: Who allowed him to read about conspiracy theories?

Me: Ummm… not me Psh why would I do that

Enjolras: *Death glare*

Joly: I'm going to catch the plague I'm going to die. I have to write my will. I leave everything to my goldfish… wait do I even have a goldfish.

Grantaire: Joly… calm the fuck down!

Courfeyrac: Because you haven't got the plague… but you do have a new disease called H.W.G.O.M.N

(Hypochondriacs who get on my nerve.)

Joly: I'm going to die. Tell my parrot I love her. Wait I don't have a parrot.

Enjolras: Joly you are not ill. And Courf you are to clean the barricades top to bottom and then have Joly inspect it to his standard.

Courfeyrac: NOOOOOOO! THAT'S INHUMAINE! WHO COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!

Enjolras: Because I can and I will.

Author's note: Sorry for the Uber long wait but I was too busy doing nothing. So yeah. The Ikea part is based on what I did when I went to Ikea with my cousin and got kicked out. C'est la vie.

Apparently they do not condone trolley surfing in your pyjamas or trying to build a barricade. I wonder why….

Anyway I will not make you wait so long again and I LOVE YOU ALL

Virtual cookie each! **(::) **In fact take two more **(::) (::) **


	8. Bossuet's bad luck and pickup lines

Author's note: Hello again. I am running of coffee fumes right now as my brain didn't let me fall asleep to 3:00 am and I had to be up at 8:00am I AM IN HELL!

Sorry for that outburst, just slowly losing my mind actually I have lost it already … sorry rambling again. Sorry but some of this was in a different version I done on my other story.

Anyway thank you reviewing it made waking up bearable.

Disclaimer: I am not Victor Hugo but I am an alien from a different galaxy.

Do not comment on Bossuet's bad luck. It's not very nice.

Bahorel: *In a New York gangsta voice* Do you have aces?

Bossuet: *Also in a New York gangsta voice* Yes...

Bahorel: Do you have any tens?

Bossuet: Yes *Hands over more cards*

Bahorel: Do you have any queens?

Bossuet: Yes… damn I hate this game.

Bahorel: You can forfeit?

Bossuet: Ok what do I do?

Bahorel: You have to dress up as a women for the rest of the week.

Bossuet: Fine

*later on that day*

Joly: Who's cooking today?

Combeferre: Bossuet…. Better get the first aid box

Courfeyrac: *walks into kitchen and see's the back of Bossuet.* Oh what's cooking good look- oh my God it's Bossuet.

Me: Why are you in my clothes? And how do you fit in them.

Bahorel: He lost our competition and forfeited. So he has to dress as a women for the rest of the week.

Me: Next time ask to wear my clothes.

Everyone: Will do

Me: *face palm*

*During tea*

Joly: This is actually good and not burnt for once. Well done Bossuet!

*everyone mutter in agreement*

Me: Bossuet why are you so unlucky?

Bossuet: I don't know.

Me: Did you try and steal a witch doctor's magic fruit and he put a curse on you?

Bossuet: ….

Me: Or did you have a witch for a step-mother and was jealous of you so looked into her magic mirror and then cursed you.

Bossuet: …

Enjolras: Stop using fairy tales to analyse Bossuet's bad luck.

Me: But…

Enjolras: Sorry but go into the wardrobe of Shame.

Me: *grumbles*

Do not use tasteless pickup lines on Eponine you will be shamed

Eponine: Umm… do you mind if I stay here. Thénardier is on my case.

Me: Ok…

Eponine: Soooooooooo….

*now we go to a Courfeyrac and Grantaire conversation in a different part of the barricade*

Courfeyrac: Sooooo bored here.

Grantaire: Same. Actually up for a little bet?

Courfeyrac: What do you have in mind? *raises eyebrow.*

Grantaire: I bet that you can't charm Eponine into going on a date with you.

Courfeyrac: Ok but if I do?

Grantaire: One you get a date with Eponine and two you have three forfeits over you.

Courfeyrac: If I lose…

Grantaire: You have to sit in wardrobe of Shame with Enjolras while he goes on about the revolution and politics for 5 hours.

Courfeyrac: Ok let's get started...

*goes back to Eponine and Rachel*

Eponine: What do you do here for fun?

Me: Something normally happens by now. Ah here comes Courf and R. They are up to something.

Eponine: How do you know?

Me: Meh, are they ever up to good?

Eponine: Fair point.

Courfeyrac: Hey Eponine did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Eponine: Did it hurt when you were repeatable dropped on your head as a baby?

*Crowd gathers.*

Courfeyrac: Where have you been hiding all my life?

Eponine: From you.

Grantaire: Ohhh

Courfeyrac: Your body is a temple.

Eponine: Sorry no services today.

Courfeyrac: Have I seen you before?

Eponine: Yes and that's why I don't go there anymore.

Bahorel: Do I smell burning…

Courfeyrac: Your place or mine?

Eponine: Both. You go to yours and I go to mine.

Grantaire: Mwhahaha I'm winning…

Courfeyrac: If I could see you naked I'd died happy.

Eponine: If I saw you naked I would die of laughter.

Joly: I'll get the first aid kit because you just got burned.

Courfeyrac: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Eponine: *moves closer* but would you stay there?

*Courfeyrac's mouth drops open.*

Grantaire: You give up?

Courfeyrac: You get Enjy, I'll be in the wardrobe.

Author's note: So hope you liked Eponine in that. THERE IS NO RELASIONSHIP WITH COURFEYRAC AND EPONINE! IT IS JUST A BET!

LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	9. Contagion, movie night and Enjy's news

Author's notes: Hey again. I am now writing while babysitting my brothers. They are evil I tell you, they spilt coffee over my white jumper, ate all the food in the fridge and broke my Les Misérables DVD. I am so upset because now I can't watch the lovely Aaron Tveit and Samantha Barks. *Sigh* the good thing is my mum promised to but me a bastille top.

Disclaimer: After nine chapters you still think I own les mis? You must be a special kind of stupid

Do not use Rachel and Jehan as an excuse to watch romantic movies. Bahorel we know the truth...

Also do not laugh when Enjolras has news.

Bahorel: Can we have a movie night?

Enjolras: Why?

Bahorel: It seems fun…

Combeferre: That's a legit reason.

Courfeyrac: Please Enjy, this sounds like quite entertaining.

Eponine: I wouldn't mind this actually.

Enjolras: Fine, what are we going to watch?

Bahorel: Romantic.

*Everyone looks at Bahorel*

Bahorel: I was suggesting it for Jehan's and Rachel's sake. *blushes as red as Enjolras's vest.*

Jehan: Say what?

Me: I hate most Romantic movies.

Bahorel: What, even Titanic?

Me: Especially Titanic.

Bahorel: How?

Me: Jack could off lived. You could fit three people on that piece of wreckage but she didn't offer to share and it annoys me every time.

Courfeyrac: Can we watch a horror movie?

Feuilly: Yes. I really want to watch Mama.

Enjolras: We can't Gavroche is here and too young.

Gavroche: I may be little but I don't scare easy.

Me: I have a suggestion.

Enjolras: Is it suitable?

Me: Very. It is a 12 and a thriller.

Enjolras: Ok, that is fine.

Grantaire: what is it?

Me: I'll tell you. *whispers in Grantaire's ear.*

Grantaire: That sounds good *evil grin*

Courfeyrac: What is it?

Me: It's a surprise.

*everyone sits in Musain around a TV.*

Enjolras: Wait. The title it says…

Joly: Contagion.

Courfeyrac: Sweet.

Joly: I hope it isn't based on a real story….

*Half way through the movie.*

Joly: *crying*

Bossuet: Joly are you crying?

Joly: I AM PETTRIFYED! THIS A MOVIE ABOUT A KILLER DIEASE!

Me: Huh, normally by now Enjy-bear would be shouting.

Grantaire: Yeah what is the Enjy bear up to?

*Everyone turns to the marble man who is cuddled up to someone ;)*

Everyone:*Gasp*

Grantaire: the Marble has cracked

Eponine: *bright red*

Enjolras: *redder*

Me: Combeferre I win the bet you owe £15

Combeferre: Damn it! *hands over £15*

Courfeyrac: Care to explain *raises eye brows*

Enjolras: Ummm…. Err

Eponine: Ummm…. Err

Me: Ummm…. Err... SPILL THE BEANS

Enjolras: *redder than a revolutionary flag* we are kind of umm… together

*cricket chirps*

Grantaire: The mighty Apollo has found love, he has found his Daphne and in Eponine.

Jehan: I have a poem coming on.

Courfeyrac: I can see a barricade themed wedding.

Enjolras: No… no… no. All of you get in the wardrobe of shame.

Gavroche: I haven't said anything

Feuilly: Neither have I.

Enjolras: By everyone, I mean Rachel, Jehan, Combeferre, Grantaire, Courfeyrac and Marius.

Marius: I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING!

Enjolras: You like Napoleon, you should live in the wardrobe of shame!

Marius: *Runs a way crying.*

Author's note: Sorry I had to pair Eponine and Enjolras, they are just meant to be. Well they will be when I perfect the art of time travel and force Victor Hugo to make them canon. (Also there will not be twelve tangents of waterloo)

LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	10. Truth or dare

Author's notes: Hello, so I came out with the idea for this chapter watching a video our friends made of us playing truth or dare in France. I am now cringing and wanting to know why I volunteered for such games. But yeah this is all based on a real thing me and my friends did.

Disclaimer: I now own les mis. I went back in time and wrote it before Victor. So know no one dies and Marius gets rejected by Cosette because he stalks her.

Combeferre: *repeatedly slamming head on table*

Enjolras: What's wrong?

Combeferre: Marius…

Enjolras: Is he on a bout Cosette again?

Combeferre: Much worse…

Enjolras: How can it be worse?

Marius: How could this happen? My darling Cosette *sobs in corner*

Enjolras: *ignores Marius*

Marius: She has gone to England.

Enjolras: Do I look bothered?

Combeferre: Marius in the wardrobe.

Marius: *sobs in wardrobe of shame.*

Grantaire: Who died?

Combeferre: Marius's beloved has left for England that's what happened.

Courfeyrac: We shall lighten the atmosphere.

Bahorel: By?

Courfeyrac: Playing truth and dare.

Me: Nooooo!

Grantaire: please can we.

Enjolras: Why not.

Me: Now you decide to not be a killjoy?

Enjolras: Yes as it annoys you.

Me: Eponine, what do you see in him?

Enjolras: You have to play or you can be locked in the wardrobe with Marius.

Me: I'll play.

*Half an hour later*

Bahorel: R, truth or dare?

Grantaire: Dare.

Bahorel: You have to sit on Enjolras's lap for the rest of the game.

Enjolras: Why me?

Grantaire: Hey Enjy. *sits on Enjolras's lap.* Jealous Ponine?

Eponine: No.

Grantaire: Joly truth or dare?

Joly: Dare.

Grantaire: *evil grin* I dare you to drink Bossuet's drink. After he drunk from it. And you can't rinse your mouth out after.

Joly:*GASP!* Germs, bacteria. I'll catch a disease!  
Bossuet: Thanks Joly. That really made me feel great. *sarcastic eye roll.*

Joly: *does the dare* OH MY GOD! IT BURNS!

Bossuet: Seriously, you would think I had typhus or Pneumonia

Joly: Enjolras, truth or dare.

Enjolras: Truth.

Grantaire: BORING.

Enjolras: Shut up you wine cask.

Joly: If you had to kiss either Courfeyrac, Bahorel, Grantaire or Combeferre. Which one would it be?

Enjolras: Well if I kiss Courfeyrac, I would end up with Lord knows how many diseases.

Courfeyrac: I resent that…

Enjolras: If I kiss Grantaire, I would end up drunk. So it is either Bahorel or Ferre.

Bahorel: Should I be glad or worried?

Combeferre: I don't know either.

Enjolras: Sorry it has to be Ferre.

Bahorel: I really don't mind…

Enjolras: Courfeyrac. Truth or dare?

Courfeyrac: Dare, I ain't afraid.

Enjolras: Kiss Rachel.

Me: WHAT! HE HAS BOY GERMS!

Courfeyrac: NOOOO! THAT WOULD BE LIKE INCEST.

Enjolras: It is that or spending time with Marius.

Courfeyrac: Hmmm. As tempting as that sounds I think I would rather carry on this game.

Me: Why me…

Courfeyrac: You should be happy. You get to kiss this *points to himself.*

Me: EWWWWW!

Courfeyrac: Actually Enj, I'm going into the wardrobe.

*Courf leaves.*

Me: Phew I dodged a bullet.

Enjolras: Fine, Rachel truth or dare.

Rachel: I think dare seeing what happened to Courf just then.

Enjolras: What is your most awkward, embarrassing and cringe moment?

Me: Where do I start? Well there's the time I walked into automatic doors, and my friend videoed it. Or when I had to go in a lift with the boy I liked. And he knew I liked him. Actually falling in a puddle the size of a pond in front of all the boys in my year. While on a run. That is why I do not run.

Enjolras: Wow…. You shouldn't be allowed out.

Eponine: You're like a danger to society!

Me: Yeah… this is why I don't go outside. And why I am socially awkward. Anyway Bossuet, truth or dare?

Bossuet: Dare.

Me: You have to let me and Grantaire give you a makeover.

Bossuet: WHAT!

Grantaire: Woo! Goodbye Enjy. *Kisses Enjy on his cheek.*

Enjolras: Ewww the wine cask kissed me.

*Grantaire and I give a very un-lucky Bossuet a gorgeous makeover.*

Me: Wow Bossuet. I would rate you as 2 before but now you're like 10

Bossuet: I am very scared.

Grantaire: You should be.

Bossuet: *holds mirror* OH MY GOD! *Drops the mirror and breaks it.*

Combeferre: Bossuet you are going to be cursed for seven years. For a normal person that would be bad. But you are doomed!

Bossuet: I'm going to the wardrobe.

Me: I knew we shouldn't play this game…

Enjolras: Who's a killjoy now *smug smile*

Me: Still you Enjy.

Author's note: So I hope you liked this one. It wasn't the best but I needed to write something today anyway. But yeah all those experiences did happen to me. I am also banned from going on top decks of ferries because I would probably fall of the boat or knock someone else of. C'est la vie.

ANYWAY LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	11. Food fights and Enjy speaking to a girl

Author's notes: HELLO, don't know why that was in capital letters. But I am back and more awkward/crazy than ever. And you thought that was impossible.

AzureOtter yes I did have that my French teacher gave me us a tour of the Red Light district of Paris on that very same trip. I am offended that you had to ask if I sung lovely ladies. Of course I did. I and my friends got a lot of strange looks…

Iceflower I forgot to mention this last time but I like the Enjolvest ship, could be a three way relationship there (Enjolras x vest x flag)

Disclaimer: I AM VICTOR HUGO!

No food fights allowed…

Me: I'm bored, I'm going to eat something.

Feuilly: I fail to see the logic in that.

Me: I'm bored and when I'm bored I eat.

Feuilly:

Me:* Eye roll* mmmmm Ben and Jerries''''.

Grantaire: Thank you very much. *Eats my ben and Jerries.* Damn this is good.

Me: You didn't….

Grantaire: Yes I did.

Me: *throws a banana at him*

Grantaire: Are you starting?

Me: Yes I declare war. *throws bowl of soup*

Grantaire: You have asked for this. *tips absinthe other me*

Courfeyrac: Hello, what's happening here?

Me: Grantaire ate my ice-cream so we are having a tiny conflict

Courfeyrac: Conflict? This is like a full scale attack.

Me: Are you just going to stand there help me!

Courfeyrac: Ok.

*Ten minutes later and half the Amis are involved.*

Gavroche: eat cake Courf *chucks a large piece of cake*

Jehan: Courfeyrac, this is for your bad music taste. *chucks a potato at Courfeyrac*

Courfeyrac: Why a potato and why are you all going against me?

Everyone involved: I don't know…

Me: Grantaire, I will take my revenge.

Grantaire: And you haven't done that already?

Me:*Runs and squirts tomato sauce at Grantaire, but misses and hits Enjolras*

Enjolras: *Redder than the tomato sauce on his red vest and blond curls.*

Me: Oh shite…

Grantaire: Uhhhh

Feuilly: Errr

Courfeyrac: Ekkkkk

Jehan: Ummmmm

Gavroche: I had nothing to do with this *walks away whistling*

Enjolras: Gavroche… get here now.

Everyone: We are dead

Enjolras: Who started this?

Me: *Points to Grantaire*

Grantaire: *Points to Rachel*

Enjolras: So it's you two again. You will clean this up.

Both of us: WHAT!

Enjolras: Yes you will, to Joly's standard.

Me: Nooo

Enjolras: Yes and then you are dish duty for two weeks.

Grantaire: The agony…

Enjolras: Get moving.

Grantaire: Kill joy.

Do not make fun of Enjolras's undying love of the cause. If he talks to girl like a normal human being do not act surprised.

Enjolras: *talking to Eponine*

Grantaire: *singing* I am agog, I am aghast is Enjy-bear talking to a girl at last? I've never seen him laugh or smile. He always talks of battles to be won. But here he's acting like Don Juan. This is better than the opera.

Enjolras: Shut up wine cask.

Courfeyrac: how could you cheat on Patria? I thought she was your one true love.

Eponine: *Laughing hysterically*

Bahorel: I was sure it was you who told Marius "No one cares about you're lonely soul"

Enjolras: Yeah but he acts like a dog on a leash. Never more than five ft. away from Cosette at all times.

*mutter of agreement*

Eponine: Why don't you lot stop making fun of Enjolras and actually try and win the revolution?

Me: She is right. If you used all your weirdness and annoying personalities you would have won this and no one died. *trails of*

Feuilly: We die?

Me: Psh no, I went back in time and made Victor Hugo re-write the story line.

Feuilly: Cool beans…

Me: Hey that is mine…

Feuilly: Fine, I'll use awesome sauce.

Me: Much better.

Author's note: Hello again. I kind of got a case of*shudders* writers block. So I spoke to my friend and she helped and my writers block has gone.

But yeah I have wrote the food fight on an another real and scary experience. Yeah I have had a messed up life but I blame boarding school on that.

LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	12. Marius's fancy dress party

Author's notes: Hello again. Not much to write in this author's note. So yeah anyway time for more craziness MWHAHAHAHA

Disclaimer: I'm not Victor Hugo, I'm actually Aphrodite, and yes I'm the Greek goddess of love. Yeah that is soooo believable *eye roll*

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No one forget Marius's birthday he will be very upset. And do not invite the Patron Minette, Javerrrrrrrt or the National Guard

Grantaire: I want to be drunk when I wake up

On the right side of the wrong bed

Never an excuse I made up

Me: Grantaire, I thought you generally were drunk when you wake up.

Grantaire: Shut up you're interrupting my beautiful singing

Me: By beautiful you mean it sounds like Jehan's cat giving birth.

Jehan: My cat is a boy…

Me: Where did you come from?

Jehan: You're dreams *tries but fails at winking.*

Me: Jehan, you're into a Courfeyrac wanna be

Jehan: No… that's a fate worse than death

Courfeyrac: You would be blessed to be like me.

Grantaire: More like cursed.

Courfeyrac: *Gives death glares*

Enjolras: So what are you wastes of space up to?

Me: I'm an amazing, gorgeous, smart *list goes on* use of space.

Feuilly: Keep believing that…

Me: Feuilly, I thought we were friends.

Feuilly: I never agreed to that…

Marius: Hello everyone, do you remember what today is?

Enjolras: Sunday

Marius: Nope, well yes but that's not what I'm on about.

Grantaire: The day we actually bother to fight the National Guard?

Marius: No, have we still not done that?

Me: Is it Enjy's birthday.

Marius: No *getting a bit emotional*

Eponine: Hi Marius, happy birthday

Everyone else: Ohhhhhhh

Marius: Did anyone else remember?

*Cricket chirps*

Marius: Cosette?

*Cricket chirp*

Marius: I thought you were all my friends?

Me: I never said that…

Marius: *Glares*

Courfeyrac: Marius, we all have to clean up the barricade for an urm erm Lamarque's visit

Marius: Oh, ok. Cosette would you like to go a walk.

*Cosette and Marius leave*

Enjolras: You do that Lamarque's dead Courf?

Courfeyrac: Yes. But Marius doesn't seem to.

Me: Well he isn't the brightest crayon in the pack.

Eponine: We better do something for Marius or he will cry.

Enjolras: Does that mean we have to have a…

Grantaire: Party time.

Me: Why not a fancy dress?

Grantaire: Yes, I've got my costume in mind.

Combeferre: So let's get party decorating.

*the barricade is now covered in pink glitter and a banner says 'Bon Anniversaire Princess Marius!'*

Enjolras: I am not wearing this!

Eponine: Please Enjy, it is for Marius and it will get you lad points.

Enjolras: I don't want to dress up as a Greek God or a women.

Eponine: Why did we let Grantaire, Rachel, Courfeyrac and Bahorel get the costumes for everyone.

Enjolras: *shrugs shoulders*

Me: Enjy go as the Greek God!

Enjolras: Why?

Me: As of Eponine costume.

Eponine: Now I'm worried.

*half an hour later and everyone is hiding in the barricade.*

Me: Where's Grantaire?

Joly: He said he wanted to keep his costume top secret so he is in the wine cellars of Musain.

Enjolras: Getting drunk…

Bossuet: Quite! He's here.

Marius: Where did they all go?

Cosette: I do not know.

Everyone: SURPRISE!

Marius: Ahhhh, monster!

Cosette: No sweetie, it is your friends… dressed up. Why is there banner with you being called Princess Marius?

Marius: Do you really think my friends have a reason for that?

Bahorel: Marius we have got you and Cosette costumes go and change.

Marius: Oh thanks. What are you?

Courfeyrac: Me, Bahorel, Joly, Feuilly and Jehan are dressed us one direction.

Combeferre: I'm a penguin in a bow tie.

Marius: Classy.

Enjolras: They made me dress up as Apollo. And Eponine as Athena. *sighs in annoyment.*

Me: I'm a rabbit in a top hat.

Marius: Why?

Me: Because I'm cool…

Courfeyrac: Oh yeah. Marius I've got you a present. Well it's more for Cosette.

*Marius opens the box.*

Marius: Ha ha ha very funny you bought me leash.

Grantaire: Have no fear, Grantaire's here.

Enjolras: Oh my French revolution. That isn't funny.

Me: No it is freaking hilarious.

Grantaire: I'm Enjolras, I am so amazing because I like building barricades.

Marius: We are going to get into our costumes now…

*five minutes later*

Marius: Thanks guys, I now understand the banner.

*Marius is wearing a very girl pink dress and a tiara*

Bossuet: Here's your feather boa.

Marius: What are you?

Bossuet: I'm lady luck. *winks but falls over*

Cosette: I quite like my costume.

Eponine: Yeah we got that because I have never seen you do something wrong, so an angel is pretty accurate.

*an hour later and there's a knock on the door.*

Enjolras: I'll answer.

Montparnasse: We are here for the party.

Enjolras: You aren't invited though…

Montparnasse: Sorry but you didn't have to be so mean. Look you've made Babet cry.

Babet: *sniffles*

Enjolras: Sorry but please go.

*Montparnasse and the patron Minette leave.*

Me: Grantaire I love your costume.

Grantaire: I am not that wine cask. I am Apollo. I can't talk to you because you're a girl.

Enjolras: Shut up…

Joly: I am so confused. Why am I dressed as Zayne?

Courfeyrac: We needed an extra person for the full group.

*knock at the door*

Me: I'll answer it.

Javerrrrrrrt: I heard there was a fancy dress party and I decided to crash.

Me: What are you?

Javerrrrrrrt: I'm a parrot wearing a tie.

Combeferre: Ha I'm a penguin in a bowtie.

Javerrrrrrrt: That's just weird.

Me: Ummm, Jave you weren't invited

Javerrrrrrrt: Well now see you have to invite me as I control the lawrrrrrr so if you don't let me in you will all be arrested.

Me: Well everyone we have a surprise guest.

Everyone: Ummmmm

Javerrrrrrrt: hello, I brought wine.

Grantaire: You are my new best friend. *says to the wine.*

*Door knocks again*

Me: Who's that now?

National guardsmen #1: We heard about the fancy dress party… so

Me: You decided to gate crash?

National guardsmen #2: Basically… yeah.

Me: Sorry but no national guardsmen are allowed in sorry.

National guardsmen #1: That's not very nice…

Me: Your mother's not very nice.

National guardsmen #1: That's not very… nice *starts crying*

National guardsmen #2: Look what you have done. You made Fred cry. Come on Fred let's leave. They are not nice people.

Me: National guardsmen these days….

0000

Author's note: That was a long chapter. But yeah I thought why not throw Marius a fancy dress party. And I think I had too much fun writing this and I am multitasking this with watching the white queen and drinking coffee. So au rivoire for now mes amis and a cookie as a treat **(::) **and I LOVE YOU ALL XXXX


	13. Movie day (yes another one)

Author's notes: hi. I am actually now sure I have got a coffee hangover. How is that possible but I do now know if you're friend dares you to drink 15 coffees in ten minutes do not do it. Anyways I got this idea watching Percy Jackson and I was like *looks side to side* I have an idea.

Iceflower that was a very interesting Enjolvest thing, glad that is sorted and do not let him eat too much ice cream ;)

0000

Do not let Grantaire and Courfeyrac watch Percy Jackson. It gives them way too many idea's…

Enjolras: Why did I let you lot get me drunk?

Me: Because we spiked you're drink. You never let us.

Enjolras: Remind me to murder you all when I don't feel like the living dead.

Me: Will do.

*Grantaire comes bouncing in*

Grantaire: Hey buddies…

Me: Shut up…

Enjolras: How can you be so … alive? You drunk more than us.

Grantaire: I don't get hangovers *sticks tongue out*

Me: Bitch please…

*Courfeyrac crawls in*

Enjolras: You alright there?

Courfeyrac: No

Me: Are you able to get up?

Courfeyrac: No

Me: Can you say anything else?

Courfeyrac: No

Me: Are you dead?

Courfeyrac: Yes.

Feuilly: Don't say that. Joly will be having you checked out by every doctor in Paris.

Bahorel: Joly probably feels like us though.

Grantaire: Man up you wimps.

*Everyone glares at Grantaire*

Me: When I feel better I will murder you by drowning you in a barrel of rum.

Grantaire: You'll have to catch me first.

Me: Actually that seems like too much effort.

Marius: *asleep on floor* Napoleon… fan girling... pizza

Combeferre: Is anyone else worried about Marius's sleep talking about Napoleon?

Eponine: Not really…

Gavroche: Why are you lot all like zombies?

Joly: Ask us that when you are allowed to drink.

Grantaire: I think it is time for a movie day.

Joly: Fine but not Contagion this time. It still gives me nightmares.

Courfeyrac: Dying…

Me: No one cares…

Courfeyrac: Hurtful…

Grantaire: Can I pick the movie?

Enjolras: Knock yourself out.

Jehan: Literally.

Grantaire: Jehan why the violence?

Jehan: *Glare*

*half an hour later*

Grantaire: I got the movie on.

Enjolras: Is it suitable?

Grantaire: Yes.

Enjolras: Is it Joly appropriate?

Grantaire: Yes.

Combeferre: Good because you didn't have to stay up with him.

Gavroche: You lot are more like children than me.

Me: Where's Bossuet?

Grantaire: Sleeping in the wardrobe.

Me: Ok?

*movie starts*

Enjolras: No, Grantaire I am going to murder you.

Grantaire: Why? *innocent flutter of eyelashes*

Courfeyrac: Guys I think this movie is real. I mean that would explain Enjolras.

Grantaire: Yes it is true because Enjolras would be the son of Apollo.

Enjolras: Another movie banned from the Barricade.

_The movies or books banned from the Barricade_

Contagion due to the hypochondriac

Percy Jackson due to Apol- Enjolras's bad sense of humour

Any horror movies, you will scare Marius.

Any movie/ TV show with Aaron Tveit or Ramin Karimloo,

Wrath of the Titan's, again blame Enjolras

Project X. It will give Grantaire way to many ideas.

Lovely Molly, is double banned due to Courfeyrac's screaming

0000

Author's note: Hello again. If you haven't seen Project X it is a movie/documentary styled thingy about a bunch of teenage nerds throwing a party when they're parents are gone. And this gets way out of hand. I suggest it but be warned it is an 18.

But I had a horrible luck all day. I fell down the stairs, all we had to eat in the house was salad and fruit. Then I managed to have a coffee hangover. Not pleasant at all. So yeah LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	14. They discover fan fiction

Author's notes: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLOOOOOOO!

I am back again. I got this idea reading a story called "Enjolras discovers Fan fiction." By Simbelmyne Nienor. Yeah so anyway thank you for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I own Les mis, we went over this before.

0000

Do not let the barricade boys go on Fan fiction, especially Enjolras.

Me: *Happily on laptop* Hmmm feeling slightly hungry. *Leaves laptop on in a quest for food.*

*Grantaire, Courfeyrac and Bahorel enter in the room like ninja's.*

Grantaire: Let's find out what this 'internet' is about. * Gets laptop.*

Courfeyrac: What's this, Google?

Bahorel: Type in our names on the bar thingy. *Grantaire types they're names*

Courfeyrac: What is this sorcery? Burn the witch!

Bahorel: Chill your beans bro.

Grantaire: Fan fiction? Hmmm we come a lot in that. Let's look.

Courfeyrac: Umm this seems a little bit worrying. It seems like people have rewritten the stories.

Bahorel: Enjolras comes up a lot. Hmmm so does Eponine and Grantaire. Click on that one.

Courfeyrac: *Starts reading out loud* I stared into his deep blue eyes, searching for an answer. He came closer saying "Grantaire, I've always loved you." I went up to Enjolras and kissed him…

Bahorel: *laughing hysterically*

Grantaire: Let's see what else is on here… Ah Courfeyrac and Jehan.

Courfeyrac: WHAT!

Bahorel: Read please.

Grantaire: *starts reading * I walked into the café. Holding my breath. It had been a week since I last so him. A week since I caused that argument. How I regretted it. Every second away from Jehan was a knife to my heart…

Courfeyrac: This is so wrong…

Enjolras: What are you three up to?

Grantaire: Nothing…

Courfeyrac: Nothing…

Bahorel: nothing…

Enjolras: Show me the laptop…

*Courfeyrac, Bahorel and Grantaire look at each other, worried.*

Enjolras: Fan Fiction, what is this?

*Cricket chirps*

Enjolras: Enjolras and Grantaire fan fiction? What is this about?

*reads the story*

He kisses Enjolras passionately. Hoping this moment never ends.

Enjolras: WHAT! WHY WOULD SOMEONE WRITE THAT? * Holds back vomit

Grantaire: I'm thinking why would I go out with you. You're such a bore.

Bahorel: At least I haven't been in any so far.

Me: What are you four doing?

Enjolras: Being traumatised

Courfeyrac: There's a website called Fan fiction and it is sick.

Bahorel: Mildly entertaining for me.

Grantaire: Ewww Enjolras. He would give you control freak germs.

Enjolras: Hurtfull…

Me: Since you all went on my laptop without my permission get in the wardrobe.

Grantaire: I thought you were fun!

Me: don't go on my stuff then I'll be fun.

*All three grumble but listen.*

Eponine: What happened?

ME: You do not want to know!

Author's note: hello, so I hope you enjoyed. I'm starting to run low on Idea's *faint* to send me some prompts on what you would like to see happen. But au rivoire mes enfants. JE VOUS AIME TOUS XXX


	15. Paintballing with Jehan

Author's notes: Hey again. Writers block sucks majorly. I am actually becoming like Bossuet. I broke two mirrors, broke my iPad, got stung by a wasp and fall on top of a hot boy. Being me is no picnic and I should come with a warning sign *sigh*

Disclaimer: *insert creative disclaimer here*

0000

We are not going on paintballing for Jehan's birthday ever again.

Courfeyrac: *looking at the calendar* everyone its Jehan's birthday today! We have to do something.

Marius: You remember his birthday but not mine *grumbles*

Enjolras: Well what did he want to do?

Me: He did say something about paintballing.

Combeferre: Umm are you sure about that?

Me: Yes why do you look so sceptical?

Feuilly: Well he is a romanticist, a poet and cries during finding Nemo.

Me: So does Bahorel

Bahorel: I told you that in confidence. *bright red*

Me: Have you listened to the music he likes? You would have your jaw on the floor.

Combeferre: try me.

*plays fall out boy on iPod and gives it Ferre*

Combeferre: He doesn't listen to this! The start is

I thought of angles, chocking on they're halo's

Get them drunk on rose water

See how dirty I can get them ripping out they're fragile teeth.

And clip they're tiny wings.

Me: It's actually not that bad a song if you listen to the rest. *feeling judged* But yeah so are you surprised that he wants to go paintballing now?

Combeferre: No but I am worried about yours and Jehan's music taste.

Grantaire: One problem at a time mama Ferre. *winks*

Enjolras: So where do you go paintballing in 1832?

Me: When there's a will there's a way. Also if you haven't realised me, Grantaire, Courfeyrac and Bossuet go to Ikea and go karting all the time.

Gavroche: Why didn't you invite me?

Courfeyrac: Eponine wouldn't let us as we are 'too immature and will end up being the death of you.'

Gavroche: I think now because she's with Enjy she has to be a killjoy like him.

Eponine: I'm not a killjoy.

Everyone: You are becoming one!  
Eponine: Well someone has to be responsible- oh my God I sound like Enjolras!  
Enjolras: Welcome the responsible side, we have been expecting you.

Jehan: What are you lot up to?

Combeferre: Nothing. Just talking.

Jehan: oh ok. *leaves room*

Grantaire: Found a paintball place. Let's blindfold Jehan and get moving.

*half an hour later*

Jehan: Why have you blindfolded me?

Me: We are kidnapping you.

Jehan: What!

Combeferre: She was joking. We are taking you to a surprise. *glares at me*

*arrives at paintballing place*

Me: Is weird that Enjolras can drive a bus or that there is a bus in 1832.

Enjolras: Anything you say is weird.

Jehan: Can I take the blindfold off?

Grantaire: Sure thing buddy.

Jehan: Paintballing?

Me: Happy birthday!

Jehan: Thanks.

Combeferre: So are we going to play?

*Half an hour later*

Team red: Enjolras, Combeferre, Eponine, Bahorel, Feuilly and Joly

Team blue: Rachel, Jehan, Grantaire, Gavroche, Bossuet and Courfeyrac

Jehan: This is great. Thanks guys.

Me: It was my idea thank you very much.

*Later on that day.*

Joly: We are never doing that again.

Bossuet: *hobbles in* I agree.

Me: Should of thought about you Bossuet. Sorry.

Bossuet: its fine, I shouldn't walk in front of a line of fire.

Marius: Where you lot?

Everyone: Ohhh

Me: JOLY WHAT DID YOU SAY…. I'LL COME OVER TO HELP YOU NOW

Joly: I'm fed up of everyone using me as an excuse.

Marius: Serious where did you guys go

Enjolras: We may have went paintballing…

Marius: Why didn't you invite me?

Eponine: Well you left.

Me: You don't like being hit

Marius: Does anyone?

Combeferre: You cry over everything.

Marius: No I don't.

Grantaire: Really… because Cosette's leaving you for Courf.

Marius: WHAT! *starts crying*

Jehan: See, and don't worry Cosette's still with you. *under breath* don't know why.

0000

Author's notes: I have recovered from writers block. *woo* Iceflower I like you're suggestions and I will probably use them at some time. I would love to see Enjolras watching keeping up with the Kardashians or Made in Chelsea.

The song used in this is just one yesterday by fall out boy. If you get over the start it isn't that bad.

Also I have some more story ideas. I will probably write them when I finished my other story. But they are both parody type things and these are the idea's

They all get stuck in a Greek mythology book and have to try and get out.

They all go to counselling due to they're weird personalities e.g. Joly's hypochondria and stuff like that.

They a will be better than described I only just came up with the idea's but yeah that's all for now.


	16. Documentaries and mamma Ferre

Author's notes: Two updates in one day, you lot should feel loved. But yes I got this idea from Iceflower and that is for the barricade boys to watch reality TV. So thank you or that prompt and let's move on…

Disclaimer: Are you listening now? I DO NOT OWN LES MIS NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL!

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Do not let Enjolras control the remote, you'll have to watch documentaries!

Grantaire: What is that box? It has lights!

Me: It is a sky box. You plug it to a TV and watch things.

Grantaire: It sounds crap.

Me: Really? Watch this. *Puts on Family guy.*

Bahorel: What is this sorcery?

Me: It's not sorcery now watch this… *turns it over to friends*

Bahorel: Burn the witch!

Me: *Glare* Shut up…

*half an hour later*

Feuilly: This is so cool…

Jehan: Can we turn this over?

Me: Yes

Bahorel: No

*Everyone fights over the remote*

TV: Coming up next is keeping up with the Kardashian's.

Feuilly: What is this?

Me: Reality TV

Enjolras: *walks in* what are you lot doing?

Me: Watching TV

Enjolras: Well this looks horrible.

Eponine: Sit down and just watch it.

*Half an hour later*

Bossuet: I swear Enjolras if you complain one more time…

Enjolras: This is Sooooo boring though.

Me: Who cares anyway I'm putting Made in Chelsea on.

Bahorel: What's it about?

Me: Basically rich people who pretend to be friends but basically slag each other off behind they're backs.

Bahorel: Sounds like my kind of show.

Enjolras: It sounds crap.

Me: *Glares at him* Fine what do you want to watch?

Enjolras: Pass me the remote, clicker, thingy. *grabs remote*

Enjolras: Documentaries. They sound good.

Me: NOOOO! They are so boring we will all be sleeping by the first break!

Enjolras: Oh well we are watching a documentary.

Everyone: *Groans.*

TV: *Blah bah something boring blah blah.*

Enjolras: See this isn't so bad. Guys

*Everyone is asleep*

Enjolras: *mutters non K+ things.*

Do not call Combeferre mother even though it is basically true.

Me: Bahorel are you ok?

Bahorel: *crying* No, this movie gets me every time.

Me: The little Mermaid?

Bahorel: it's so sad.

Me: You are a lost cause my friend.

Grantaire: What's wrong with Bahorel?

Me: Do not ask.

Grantaire: Want to go Go karting?

Me: Nah, you'll be arrested for drunk driving again.

Grantaire: It was just one time. Who are you texting?

Me: None of your business

Grantaire: *Snatches phone* Ooooo who is this. Rachel I didn't know you liked-

Me: Shut up, shut up, shut up. Mamma Ferre R stole my phone.

Combeferre: Do not call me that! And Grantaire give it back.

Grantaire: Yes mother…

Combeferre: I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!

Me: You are having a level 4 Enjolras tantrum.

Enjolras: HEY I DO NOT THROW TANTRUMS!

Grantaire: Hypocrite…

Enjolras: I AM NOT A HYPOCRITE!

Me: Eponine, go sort you're beloved out before he blows a fuse.

Eponine: Isn't it you're nap time Enjy?

Enjolras: May be.

Combeferre: Go and have you're nap then.

Enjolras: Ok. Night mamma Ferre.

Combeferre: I AM NOT ANYONES MOTHER!

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Author's note: Hello again. So yeah got that craziness out of my system… not really but you know… this is awkward.

I do not like to advertise my stories on my other ones but I have written up the barricade boys and ect get stuck in Greek mythology up and the first chapter is published so please take a look. It is a parody again as I find them easier to write.

Anyway good bye for now and I LOVE YOU ALL.


	17. Capture the revolutionary flag

Author's notes: Hello to all you beautiful people I am back again with your daily dose of madness. I have probably do six weeks of exercise today by fighting a wasp invasion of my house. Seriously if I want something to eat I have to run in open the fridge. Run out and wait for the wasps to stop stinging and run back to get the food. Let's just say I'm lucky that I'm not allergic to wasp stings…

Disclaimer: *SIGH* I do not own les mis, I am not married to Enjolras and I do not have a barricade in my garden. SO STOP INSISTING THAT I WROTE THIS BOOK!

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Do not play capture the revolutionary flag. Enjolras will kick off. Also do not use Enjolras's vest in a game of treasure hunt. He will kick off again.

Grantaire: I spy with my little eye…. Something beginning with … erm… ah… B

Me: A barricade

Grantaire: Yup

Me: I spy with my little eye… something beginning with P

Grantaire: Princess Marius.

Me: Good answer

Grantaire: This is boring.

Me: I agree, let's play hide and seek.

Grantaire: With two people?

Me: No we shall get the others.

Grantaire: Good idea.

Courfeyrac: Hey guys what you up to?

Me: Playing hide and seek. Want to join?

Courfeyrac: Why not?

*ten minutes later *

Grantaire: I've got Jehan and Bossuet.

Gavroche: Ponine and I are playing.

Me: Yo Bahorel, Feuilly want to play hide and seek?

Feuilly: Why not.

Combeferre: Can I join in?

Courfeyrac: The more the merrier

Marius: Am I allowed to play?

Me: Ok you're it first. *Everyone runs and hides.*

Marius: 1, 2, 3, 6, 34, 0, batman symbol, 344, 1, 10 ready or not here I come.

Where is everyone?

Me: *face palm* Grantaire he does know how to play right?

Marius: Come on guys can we start the game!

Grantaire: We have you twat!

Marius: That's not very nice Grantaire… *runs away crying.*

Me: TIME OUT!

Combeferre: Let's play a different game.

Courfeyrac: *spots Enjolras's flag* let's play capture the flag.

Feuilly: Ummm… great idea but what about the resident statue

Me: Who cares? We have fun and as a bonus it annoys him.

Grantaire: I and Rachel are team captains. I shall pick first. I will have Ferre

Me: Courfeyrac.

Grantaire: Joly

Me: Gavroche.

Grantaire: Feuilly

Me: Jehan

Grantaire: Eponine

Me: Bahorel

Grantaire: And Bossuet.

Me: As we have one less since Marius ran away we pick if we are defending or attacking.

Grantaire: How do we fight each other off?

Me: Pillows naturally. Super cool team, assemble.

*Super cool team assembles.*

Courfeyrac: First we need a name for our super cool group.

Gavroche: Gavroche and co

Jehan: What about 'the cool kids'

Me: I like Jehan's

Bahorel: Same.

Courfeyrac: So we are 'the cool kids'

Me: Yes. Shall we attack or defend?

Bahorel: Defend as then we hide the flag, and it is easier.

Jehan: seems logical.

Me: So setting up wise. We should be in twos or threes.

Courfeyrac: Gav, be ma partner?

Gavroche: Sure thing Courf.

Me: So it is Jehan, Bahorel and I.

Grantaire: Let's start. What is ya team name?

Jehan: 'The cool kids.' Yours?

Feuilly: 'The league of amazing people.

Me: We decided to defend the flag. All of you lot in wardrobe while we hide the flag.

*The league of amazing people go in the wardrobe of shame.*

Bahorel: Where do we hide it?

Courfeyrac: In a barrel of beer.

Me: Grantaire will see it.

Gavroche: We can hide it in my elephant.

Me: Ok then Courf and Roche you hide it. We'll distract them.

*Half an hour later and a destroyed barricade*

Enjolras: *wakes from nap* what happened here?

Grantaire: ummm

Bahorel: Errr

Me: Parle vous Anglais?

*Everyone gives WTF expression*

Enjolras: Rachel… shut up.

Me: Ok…

Eponine: *running in with Combeferre and the flag* WE WIN SUCKERS…

Enjolras: *recoils in horror* my flag. Why Eponine?

Eponine: It was Rachel's idea.

Me: Actually it was Courf's

Enjolras: I don't care no one touches MY flag. NO ONE! *starts hyper ventilating*

Combeferre: I think he's going to BF

Bossuet: What's a BF?

Me: It means he's going to have a bitch fit.

Bossuet: Oh… we better get running.

*everyone runs from Enjolras.*

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Grantaire: Ok, Enjy has calmed down. Time for more mischief.

Me: What shall we do?

Feuilly: Let's have a treasure hunt!

Me: YES! I and Grantaire will write this list.

Joly: Are we working in pairs?

Me: Yes or a three if you need to. R let's write this list.

_The treasure hunt list_

_A bottle of Absinthe (FULL GRANTAIRE!)_

_A name of a girl Courf hasn't been with_

_A ninja sword_

_A goldfish_

_A poem YOU wrote_

_Three banana's_

_A French flag_

_Enjolras's red vest_

_You have one hour once the whistle is blown._

Me: On your mark, get set, GO!

Grantaire: Here we've got the first. *Pulls a bottle of Absinthe from his corner of the room*

Me: Ok this one will be difficult. Wait I haven't been with him.

Grantaire: Yeah but you're not a girl.

Me: *Death glare*

Grantaire: Right a ninja sword?

Me: I think Jehan has one. Let's get it.

Grantaire: I'm getting increasingly worried about him… anyways.

*Half an hour later.*

Me: We've got the sword. And three goldfish. I've also got some poetry I wrote.

Grantaire: You write poetry?

Me: Yes… yes I do.

Grantaire: What is it?

Me: It is called THE TRUTH.

Grantaire: Sounds deep.

Me: It isn't

Grantaire: Let me read it.

_You think you're hot_

_I say not_

_You say you're cool_

_I would call you a fool_

_You say it's fine to be a slag_

_So listen in you hoe bag_

_No boy likes a girl_

_Who acts like automatic doors?_

Grantaire: Who pissed you off?

Me: A couple of girls in my year.

Grantaire: Anyways, Joly has three bananas so let's go.

Me: Why?

Grantaire: They full of potassium and are good for you.

Me: Ok *grabs banana's*

Grantaire: Last two. A French flag and the hardest one. Enjolras's red vest.

Me: We can draw a French flag *grabs box of crayons and paper.*

Grantaire: Is that cheating?

Me: No, we said we just need a French flag. So it can be drawn.

Grantaire: There is now one thing between winning and being like them lot. Enjolras's rev vest.

Me: You get the straight jacket for when he tries to kill us.

*Sees a sleeping Enjy.*

Me: *whispering* on the count of three we take off his vest.

1, 2, 3

*we rip of his vest making him fall to the floor and wake up*

Enjolras: WHAT THE FUCK!

Me: We win the treasure hunt… high five!

Enjolras: FIRST THE FLAG BUT NOW THE VEST! YOU TWO WILL DIE!  
Me: Now it's time to have a race. Bye R!

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Author's note: Sorry for the long wait but I have had more important things happening e.g. baby sitting, eating, sleeping and ect.

The poem is actually one I wrote. My mother found out about me being on writing websites and fanfiction so she's made me enter a poetry competition. The entry website was like you could write a poem for that special someone. I was there like yeah… forever alone. So who ever reads that poem will have a lot of angst and hatred of society to read… yeah I should stay away from the music I listen to.

I was asked a question the other day by my cousin randomly. What would you do if you magically entered your favourite musical? I said a) Steal Enjolras's vest b) tell Jean Valjean he's having an identity crisis and lastly C) SAVE THE BARRICADE BOYS! But anyway what would you lot do? What would you do on your favourite musical?

AU RIVOIRE, JE T'AIME TOUS LES XXX


	18. Let's create a beach

Author's notes: Hey, I am writing this why recovering from watching nightmare on elm street *shudders.* I don't know why I chose to watch a horror movie when I'm home alone overnight. Thank you for your reviews, they do inspire me to write as I know someone is reading.

Also over 1,000 views. WHOOP WHOOP ! Sticky stars for everyone who reads.

Disclaimer: If I wrote Les Mis, it would be so messed up.

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Do not create a beach in the barricade. Enjy will blow a casket.

Courfeyrac: Enjy, can we have a day out?

Enjolras: what do you mean?

Courfeyrac: Can we all go out somewhere?

Enjolras: Oh… no

Courfeyrac: Why?

Enjolras: I'm still pissed off about you guys stealing my vest.

Courfeyrac: Fine. *Leaves Enjy.*

Jehan: Hey Courf… wait why have you got an evil glint in your eyes?

Courfeyrac: Because I have an evil plan

Grantaire: Do spill…

Courfeyrac: We shall all go to the beach.

Bossuet: How is this evil?

Courfeyrac: Because Enjy has banned us from leaving the barricades today. So we will create a beach here.

Me: I have taught you well grasshopper

Bahorel: Ok, we need to get all the stuff together. You lot sort that as I get everyone else.

*Half an hour later*

Courfeyrac: Everyone start creating a beach.

*Sand covers barricade and there is a kiddy paddling pool.*

Eponine: This is so cool.

Combeferre: I'll set up the BBQ.

Grantaire: Who's up for a game of Frisbee?

Bossuet: Not me, last time I got a black eye.

Joly: HOW?

Bossuet: a man thought I was flirting with his girlfriend when I asked her to pass it back to me and he punched me.

Me: That could only happen to you. We should never let you be alone for longer than ten minutes.

Grantaire: Go long Courf.

Courfeyrac: I won't be able to catch it, it's too high.

Bossuet: Anyone else want a drink? *gets up and hit in the head by the Frisbee.*

Me: And I thought I had bad luck…

Bossuet: Is it normal to hear colours?

Grantaire: No…no it's not.

Joly: If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.

Gavroche: What the f-

Eponine: Gavroche say that word and I'll wash your mouth out with soap!

Gavroche: I was going to say flipper.

You lot: Sure…

Combeferre: Foods finished.

Bossuet: that smells good…

Combeferre: Bossuet careful it's hot.

Enjolras: WHAT THE FUCK!

Gavroche: He can say that word but I can't? UNFAIR!

Eponine: You are 12 he's 23. Deal with it!

Enjolras: *hyperventilating * my barricade, what have you done?

Combeferre: So it's your barricade now?

Bahorel: I think he's going to BF again.

Me: Well I think it's time I visit Narnia. Anyone want to go with me. Wardrobe travel is really cheap I hear.

*Everyone goes to Narnia and leaves Enjy BF*

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Author's note: This was based on a thing me and my friend done. The showers in school had gaps inbetween and we chucked bars of soap and empty bottles of bubble bath down there before flooding the bathroom. The cleaner (MAJOR BITCH) was not a happy bunny. But the rubber ducks were rather happy.

Also cookies for anyone who noticed the White Chicks reference in this chapter and the last one **(::) **

GOODBYE AND I WILL SEE YOU SOON! XXXXX


	19. Swimming, slides and nudity !

Author's notes: Hey, so thank you for your reviews. Chapter 19 now. The next one is going to be extra weirder as it is 20.

I will probably not be updating on Tuesday or Wednesday as I have to go down to Wales to see my GP when I live in England. I actually think I'm mad because my mum is trying to make me go to her work. And she is a mental health nurse for teenagers and young adults. C'est la vie….

Disclaimer: Why would anyone let me write a classic novel? It would end up being burned.

We are never going to a swimming pool again.

Enjolras: gah so bored.

Combeferre: Join the club.

Bahorel: Where's Courf, Grantaire and Rachel.

Grantaire: We are in here

Enjolras: Hmmm you are quite, what has happened

Me: We are too bored to annoy you.

Enjolras: I am worried now. You lot are always up to something.

Gavroche: Can we go swimming?

Grantaire: That sounds fun.

Eponine: let's go then.

Enjolras: Can I join

*The sound of a pin dropping*

Grantaire: Did my ears deceive me? The grand Apollo wants to have fun with us common humans.

Enjolras: *Death glaring at Grantaire*

Combeferre: Let us leave before Enjolras changes his mind.

*two hours later and we have arrived at some swimming pool that magically appeared in 1832 France*

Enjolras: So what do we do now?

Me: Uh we go in *note the sarcasm*

Grantaire: Does everyone here know how to swim? Because I am not saving any ones' life!

Everyone: Yes.

Bahorel: I don't…

*Half an hour later and everyone is in the pool.*

Bahorel: Why am I the only one with these inflatable, plastic orange things on my arm?

Feuilly: It's because you can't swim.

Gavroche: I see slides.

Courfeyrac: I see girls

Me: I see idiots

Enjolras: *Wearing a pink swimming hat thing*

Eponine: Why the hat?

Enjolras: I am not getting my hair wet!

Grantaire: Seriously?

Enjolras: My hair is precious to me.

Jehan: *rolls his eyes.* Last person in is Marius.

Marius: *Snaps out of day dream* HEY…

Every one runs in.

Enjolras: Argh my hair it's wet. The hat fell off.

Eponine: It is really not that bad. God I feel like I'm arguing with a five year old.

Courfeyrac: Let's see how many off us we can get down the slide at once!

*Everyone goes down the slide.*

Joly: I can't stay in here any longer. Look how many people we share the water with. THE GERMS! *leaves the pool*

Bossuet: Gah, Rachel you landed on my arm.

Me: Well Grantaire landed on my back. And some advice, stay away from the pies.

Lifeguard: You all have to leave. You have broken every pool rule.

Enjolras: How?

Lifeguard: Running, the slide, alcohol consumption, nudity, having un able swimmer in the deep end and ect.

Enjolras: How… nudity?

Lifeguard: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

*Everyone looks at Courfeyrac*

Courfeyrac: Why are you looking at me. I have standards.

Lifeguard: You are all banned for life. Get out!

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Author's note: So I hope you enjoyed that. This again was based on a ski trip to Austria. But it wasn't us who were naked. The changing rooms are mixed there. And there was an old man using the showers. WHICH HAD NO CURTAINS OR DOORS NAKED! *shudders*

But yeah also in France we got banned from the pool. The school shouldn't allow us in pools. But for now goodbye and I love you all so much take a cookie **(::) **and a sticky star xxx


	20. KIDNAPPING IS NOT ALLOWED

Author's note: IT IS CHAPTER 20! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE WEIRDEST THING SINCE um… erm… UNICORNS EATING POP TARTS AND BEATING GRANTAIRE IN DRINKING COMPETITION.

Azure Otter I didn't answer this in the last chapter but combining flooding the bathroom, sneaking out after dark and generally being mischievous I am surprised I wasn't suspended. But I never get in trouble Mwhahaha

And this another reviewer chapter as a thank you.

Disclaimer: I am awesome… but not awesome enough to own Les Mis.

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DO NOT ALLOW FANGIRLS TO KIDNAPP MEMBERS OF THE BARRICADE!

Gavroche: I'm hungry!  
Eponine: You're always hungry.

Gavroche: But I'm a growing lad. I need to eat.

Eponine: *snorts in derision*

Courfeyrac: Don't be mean Eponine. You're turning into Enjy. Wait are you still going out with him?

Eponine: I don't know anymore.

Courfeyrac: Well… wait I smell cookies.

Gavroche: Let's find out.

*Gavroche and Courfeyrac go on a cookie hunt*

Gavroche: The smells coming from the Wardrobe.

Courfeyrac: Let's check it ou- *Gavroche and Courfeyrac are snatched by a mysterious pairs of arms*

*An hour later*

Feuilly: Why did I play this game? Twister is not fun but painful!

Bossuet: At least your head isn't near Grantaire's crotch.

Grantaire: It's not fun for me either! Rachel hurry up and spin it!

Me: Ok *pretends to spin it but really choses were they go.* Jehan, left foot red.

Jehan: Gah, this is painful.

Me: *Stifles laughter* Grantaire, right hand yellow.

Enjolras: *Walks in* Ummm… I'm glad I turned this game down.

Me: Enjy, help me make them look like bigger fools.

Enjolras I'm fine watching them being bigger fools than normal.

Eponine: Have you guys seen Gav- umm that looks interesting guys.

Grantaire: Bossuet, keep your hands to yourself! I know I'm gorgeous but I only like you as a friend.

Bossuet: *face palms but causes everyone to topple over.*

Feuilly: OWW! YOU ARE ALL ON TOP OF ME!

Jehan: Sorry Feuilly.

Eponine: Anyway have you seen Gavroche?

Enjolras: No since he and Courf went on a cookie hunt.

Eponine: I'm going to murder them both if he doesn't get back soon.

Enjolras: If they aren't back soon, we will look for them.

*Two hours later*

Eponine: I'm going to look for Gavroche and then confiscate his cookies!

Combeferre: Guys I found a note.

_We have Gavroche and Courfeyrac. To get them back, trade Enjolras's red vest and the revolutionary flag. To make the trade at 6:00pm go into the wardrobe. Walk past the unicorns, Aaron Tveit, Narnia and the door to Disneyland. Take a left, then a right go past the magical forest and go through the red door._

Eponine: They kidnapped Gavroche.

Enjolras: Why do they want my jacket and flag?

Me: Who's going to trade?

Enjolras: I'll go as I'm the leader. And I need to say goodbye to my vest.

Eponine: You love the vest more than me…

Grantaire: Rachel, why don't we go as well as back up.

Me: Yes, we shall go. What time is it?

Jehan: It's 5:45pm so I would get moving.

Enjolras: *Grabs the flag*How can I live without you?

Eponine: WHY AM I GOING OUT WITH YOU!

Feuilly: Because you are desperate.

Eponine: shut up

*Me, Grantaire and Enjy go in the wardrobe and follow the instructions.*

Me: Enjy, will you do the honours?

Enjolras: I'm going to cry.

Grantaire: Stay strong.

Enjolras: *wipes tears and opens the door* No it's… fan girls *shudders*

AzureOtter: We have been expecting you. *insert evil laugh*

Me: That's not creepy or anything….

Azure Otter: Well we did send the letter so we would be expecting you.

Grantaire: Where's Gavroche and Courf?

Iceflower: eating Cookies.

Grantaire: Nothing new there then.

Enjolras: Bring them here and we will make the switch.

*Gavroche comes in with Courfeyrac*

Gavroche: I feel so full.

Little people know: Well you have ten batches of them.

Gavroche: what can I say? I'm easy to please.

Courfeyrac: Why doesn't anyone ever give me cookies?

Iceflower: You are not as adorable as Gavroche.

Azure Otter: You are more childish, not in a good way.

Little People know: You're a skirt chaser.

Gavroche: Sorry Courf but I guess people like me more than you.

Courfeyrac: That's not fair *starts to cry*

Enjolras: We are still here!

Stagepageandscreen: We do know that.

Me: So are we going to do the trade or not?

Grantaire: And if so hurry up. I and Bahorel are having a chick flick marathon in half an hour.

Me: Why was I not invited?

Grantaire: You were remember… you are in charge of food

Me: Oh yeah…

Rose Phin: Have you got the flag and vest?

Enjolras: What about I give you the flag and we take Gavroche?

Wildheart86: That sounds fair.

Courfeyrac: WHAT ABOUT ME!?  
Lover of Patria: Shut up Courfeyrac, not everything is about you!

Courfeyrac: *mumbles non k+ stuff*

Enjolras: Goodbye flag. I know you were jealous of my vest and that got in the way of our relationship. But remember this I will-

Me: JUST HURRY UP OR WE WILL LEAVE YOU HERE AND TAKE COURFEYRAC!

Courfeyrac: I don't want to be your second choice.

Lover of Patria: Here Courfeyrac, have a cookie. Now do you feel better?

Courfeyrac: *nods, sits down and starts colouring.*

Azure Otter: THAT'S MY COLOURING BOOK! GET YOUR OWN!

Iceflower: *Enjolras passes the flag* Pleasure doing business with you.

*Me, Enjy, Grantaire and Gavroche leave*

Combeferre: Where's Courf?

Me: Enjy kept his vest instead of trading it for Courf.

Jehan: Sorry but what…

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Author's note: I hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it. I was eating cookies at the time so that is why there is a slight obsession of them. Sorry if I forgot anyone, I didn't mean to.

I may be able to write again tomorrow but I am going back to Wales to see my doctor, C'est la vie…

While writing this I was listening to fall out boy (again love that band almost as much as Bastille) and the song I was listening to:

I'm just like a lawyer with the way I get you (off)

And one of the lines is _Bullet proof loneliness at best. _ All I could think off is when Eponine was killed. Anyway I love you all and see you soon xxxx

P.S I had the flag, vest and Enjolras in for Ice Flower as she is a bit obsessed with that shipping.


	21. Dying Apollo's hair

Author's note: Hello, I am back from the doctors. And it was horrible. It was my friends mum as well. She gave me HOMEWORK! What doctor gives you HOMEWORK? And then she said that I sleep too much and that I should have LESS SLEEP! I NEVER SLEEP ANYWAY. Then I had to have a blood test and the nurse had to chase me around the room before sticking a needle in me 3 TIMES! She got it wrong 3 TIMES!

I really hate doctors now.

Anyway that is something you probably didn't want to know but I am back and the medicine I'm on has made me a bit loopier than usual (If that's possible)

Disclaimer: Victor Hugo is locked up in my wardrobe eating cookie dough ice cream and watching the lucky one.

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Do not dye Enjy's hair in his sleep.

Enjolras: I am so tired right now. I think a nap is long overdue. *Goes to sleep*

Grantaire: Its quiet here.

Me: yeah. I think we need to do some mischief making.

Grantaire: What to do? *Strokes imaginary beard*

Me: We have done almost annoying thing possible.

Grantaire: Surely there is something we haven't done?

Me: Enjy's asleep, so let's pull a prank on him.

Grantaire: But what?

Me: We could dye his hair?

Grantaire: Yes, dye to look like the French flag.

Me: Oh yes and let's write on him in sharpie.

Grantaire: Let's go then.

*Grabs cans of hair dye and sharpies randomly found in the wardrobe of shame.*

Eponine: What are you two doing?

Me: Dying Enjy-bear's hair and writing on him in sharpie.

Eponine: Can I help?

Grantaire: Grab a pen.

*Half an hour later*

Enjolras: *Wakes up.* Ahhhh that was a nice nap.

Eponine: *Tries to stifle laughter but fails*

Enjolras: Why do you three look guilty?

Grantaire: Why do you look guilty?

Enjolras: But I- never mind.

Bahorel: Hey guys- wow umm… nice look going on there Enjy.

Enjolras: What?! *gets mirror*

Grantaire: *Laughs*

Enjolras: HOLY SHIT! MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!

Eponine: Narcissistic much ….

Grantaire: He hasn't even noticed the beard and writing. *rolls on the floor*

Enjolras: *Goes as red as one third as his hair and his vest*

You lot: you guys better start running before he spontaneously combusts…

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Author's note: Sorry for the short update but I am knackered and grumpy. Not in a happy I will update when I'm in a better and more sociable mood. Tip of advice wash out hair dye still leaves your scalp blue, red and white. Extra tip do not fall asleep first at a party.

LOVE YOU ALL XXX


	22. No more pets ( we already have R)

Author's note: I AM BACK! BE SCARED, I HAVE HAD MORE AWKWARD SITUATIONS TO BASE THE BARRICADES ON! AND YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULDN'T GET WEIRDIER. MWHAHAH.

Don't know why that was in capital letters. But yeah I have been in a lot of awkward situations. For instance do not go surfing with your cousins. You end up half dead and bitten by crabs and starfish. HOW DO STARFISH BITE YOU?!

Disclaimer: I and Victor went to Thorpe Park together the other day. Pretty sure I'm not him.

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We are not getting another animal here. Grantaire and the spawn of Satan- I mean Jehan's cat is enough.

Jehan: Hardy, you are such a cute cat.

Hardy: Grrr *Translator: I wish I was born a sheep*

Enjolras: AH, AH, AH AHCHOO! Damned spawn of Satan.

Hardy: Grrr *translator: you aren't no angle to pretty boy. I will get you in the dead of night.*

Jehan: Don't talk to Hardy that way. He is as innocent as the early morning sun.

Hardy: frrr *translate: I AM NOT CALLED HARDY! I am DR Mittens. The evilest cat in the north of France!* Meow

Jehan: See he agreed with me.

Hardy: GRRRRR! *Translator: GRRRRR!*

Grantaire: Hey Hardy. Would you like some whiskey?

Hardy: Meow *Translator: Yes, you human. I like you. I may spare you when I take over the north of France.*

Enjolras: He's evil, I tell you now.

Hardy: meow. *Translator: You are one smart human. Maybe too smart.*

Eponine: *Glares at Enjolras*

Enjolras: What's your problem?

Eponine: YOU! *walks away.*

Grantaire: Rachel let's get another pet!

Me: Yes!

Enjolras: No, Grantaire and the spawn of Satan are enough. NO MORE PETS!

Me: Ok *pulls Grantaire away.*

Grantaire: Yo, what's happen bro?

Me: Ok, first do not call me bro you mother trucker and we will get another pet.

Grantaire: Cool. I say we get a chicken.

Me: NO!  
Grantaire: Why?

Me: Chickens are only good when carved up and placed on the dinner table.

Grantaire: Fine let's get a dog.

Me: OK that's good. Let's get one now.

*Three hours later *

Hardy: *Translator: Ah finally I have a chance to start planning my take over the North of France Mwhahaha. Um write now how do I pick a pen? Gah I wish I had opposable thumbs.*

Jehan: Silly hardy get off Enjy's plan before he skins you alive.

Hardy: *Translator: UNHAND ME YOU NAVE! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MANHANDLE ME. Wait is that whiskey?

Grantaire: We are here and we have a surprise

Hardy: *Translator: No that can't be. It's my arch nemesis, Max! How did he get here?

Grantaire: We decided to get a dog.

Hardy: *Translator: Human, you are back on my hit list. You better sleep with one eyeopen.*

Enjolras: I SAID NO MORE PETS!

Me: Enjy, he could help teach us all responsibility.

Enjolras: Hmmm and he is adorable. He can stay.

Max: *Translator: Dr Mittens, you will not take over the north of France!*

Hardy: *translator: Yes I will for I am smarter than you bone head*

_**To be continued…**_

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Author's note: You are probably thinking is she popping magic dragons? No I am not on pot or any other drug. But Jehan has an evil cat who likes his whiskey and wants to be a sheep. I thought hmmm sub plot line. And I thought Enjy hates cats let's make him a dog person instead.

I will most likely update tomorrow as my dad is coming back from Kenya. Woo!

But yeah that is all for now and I will write for you soon xxxx


	23. Trade you Aaron for Courfeyrac ?

Authors note: HHHHHEEEEEYYYY! I am back, I managed to sneak away from 'family' time or basically 'make fun of Rachel and how she is forever alone' time. I actually think my family want to get rid of me. My dad has come home for the first time in six months and asks me if I am still forever alone. Thank you dad, thanks for making my day crapper.

This was based on a prompt Azure Otter gave me, thanks :)

Disclaimer: I and Vic just went go karting and we had a body swapping experience so I was him but not anymore.

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Do not compare Enjolras to Aaron Tveit or bring Aaron Tveit to the barricade. (Even though he is gorgeous and perfect)

Jehan: Eww Max stop slobbering on the floor

Enjolras: Leave Max alone, he's better than the Spawn of Satan.

Jehan: HIS NAME IS HARDY!

Enjolras: Hardy, spawn of Satan it is the same thing.

Grantaire: Rachel, is it me one Enjolras look like someone? Hmmm I can't tell.

Me: He does- wait he looks like Aaron Tveit.

Grantaire: Who's that?

Me: He's an actor, who played Enjolras.

Grantaire: That explains it and why people come up to him and fan girl.

Me: Nope they are actual Enjy fan girls.

Grantaire: Wow, I feel unloved. And I also feel to sober for this conversation.

Me: But you aren't sober?

Grantaire: Exactly.

Me: I fail to understand your logic.

Grantaire: You are not the first. But I will explain it. The more I drink, the more it annoys Enjy. The more fun I have.

Me: Now I understand.

Enjolras: Grantaire, put down that bottle.

Grantaire: Are you Aaron Tveit? You look a lot like this guy I know. *snickers*

Enjolras: I AM ENJOLRAS! WHO IS THIS AARON?

Me: Mr perfect.

Enjolras: WELL I AM NOT HIM, even though I am perfect.

Eponine: Your modesty amazes me. *sarcastic eye roll*

Grantaire: Ladies, I suggest we go and have a *COUGH* drink *COUGH*

Eponine: Ummm ok, but I would get that cough sorted out soon.

Me and Grantaire: *FACE PALM X 100*

*drags Eponine over to a table in the other end of the barricade.*

Grantaire: Let's piss of Enjy!

Me: Don't we do that by being here?

Grantaire: Yeah but let's get *whispers in our ears.*

Me: Ok, this is too far. Even for you.

Grantaire: You missed heard me I said kidnap not hijack. And you read the huger games to much.

Me: Well you broke all my other books.

Eponine: So are we going to this?

Me: Yes.

Eponine: Great Enjy, needs to be brought down a few pegs.

Grantaire: Aren't you going out?

Eponine: I honestly don't know anymore.

Grantaire: Well let's get planning *insert montage here*

*The next day*

Hardy: *translation: Grrr that blasted dog! It ate my soufflé*

Jehan: What's wrong Hardy?

Hardy: (can we assume anything he says is translated?) LEAVE HUMAN! YOU ARE MY SLAVE!

Jehan: you are so cute. Yes you are.

Hardy: Do not speak to me like I am an imbecile you ignoramus.

Jehan: Aww you are just the cherry on the top of a cake.

Hardy: SHUT UP SLAVE!

Max: That soufflé was delicious.

Hardy: GRRR!

Max: I tip my hat to the chief.

Hardy: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Enjolras: Ah, ah, ah AHCHOO! Spawn of Satan.

Jehan: GLARE!

*Grantaire, me and Eponine walk in suspiciously with someone with their head covered by a paper bag.*

Enjolras: Hold it right there. What is in the bag?

Mystery person: WHERE AM I?

Grantaire: There's no person, in the bag. Just vegetables and bacon.

Mysterious person: I WAS ABDUCTED BY TWO GIRLS AND ONE ALCHOHOLIC

Enjolras: Alright, now how is in the bag?

Me: Erm...

Eponine: Eek...

Grantaire: JESUS!

Mysterious person: I know I'm called perfect but I am not Jesus!

Enjolras: *de-bags mysterious person*

Me: We better hide him from any fan girls lurking, other than me.

Enjolras: Who is this and he looks kind of familiar.

Grantaire, me and Eponine: *FACE PALM TO THE EXTREME*

Aaron Tveit: Where am I?

Me: In a barricade.

Eponine: In France

Grantaire: In 1832

Aaron Tveit: WHAT!?

Enjolras: You three take him back!

Me: You are such a killjoy Enjy!

Enjolras: Yes, now take him back.

Grantaire: Even Javert is more fun than you.

Me: I would prefer to hang out with Princess Marius than you.

Eponine: yeah me too!

*Us three drag away a confused Aaron Tveit into the wardrobe/teleport/ I don't fucking know what is anymore why are you asking me? I'm not an omnipotent being.*

Grantaire: I have an idea. Trade him for Courf!

Me: Yes! I miss out third amigo.

Eponine: Wow cheers guys. I'm just going to go and sit in a Parisian street corner singing on my Own.

Grantaire: You do that.

Eponine: *leaves singing on my Own my Own*

Aaron Tveit: That was mean.

Me: Life's mean. Now shut up!

Aaron 'Mr perfect, gorgeous and sexy' Tveit: Control freak.

Me: *Glare* Shut up.

Grantaire: Well here is the red door.

Aaron Tveit: What- What are you doing?

Me: Getting our friend back and getting rid of you.

Grantaire: Anyway I am going to make some deals with 'them lot' you watch Aaron. *leaves to speak to you lot.*

Aaron Tveit: YOU ARE LEAVING ME WITH HER!

Me: You are very lucky. I am so awesome it's illegal

Aaron Tveit: You are not awesome.

Me: Well you are a bad actor.

Aaron Tveit: *GASP* that was harsh. How could you be so mean?

Me: I live with them lot, say I'm not awesome you will cry.

Grantaire: *Reappears with Courfeyrac in the doorway.* you push Aaron in and we go.

Aaron Tveit: What's happening?

Me: Have fun with fan girls.

Courfeyrac: You will need it.

*Aaron Tveit is pushed into the room with all you crazy fan girls.*

Aaron Tveit: HELP!

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Authors note:

WARNING: I OWN AARON! NOT YOU LOT! HE WAS ON LOAN.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed that one. Yay Courfeyrac is back. Also I got the idea for Hardy being evil when I was watching Russell Howard's good news. A man called 911 when he couldn't take his KITTEN into a STRIP CLUB. WHAT MAN TAKES A CAT INTO A STRIP CLUB?

Also I have wrote a 'maybe longer than a' one shot called I want to fix you. So hint, hint PLEASE READ! I did lend you Aaron Tveit, no innuendo intended. If you thought of it in that way get your head out of the gutter and sit on the naughty step for ten minutes. Dirty wenches.

Anyway goodbye and goodnight/ morning/ evening xxx


	24. cooking with Grantaire and Courf

Authors note: Prynhawn da. If you don't speak welsh it means good morning. If it isn't morning, I do not care. I started writing this during the morning.

Me: No you cannot have Daniel Huttlestone! I have hidden him. Mwhahaha!

Littlepeopleknow: I didn't want to do this but *locks me in a wardrobe with Marius after Cosette broke up with him.*

*Half an hour later*

Me: I give, I give just let me out!

Littlepeopleknow: *unlocks door but keeps Marius in.* Where's Daniel

Me: Go to Hogwarts, which is the door next to Narnia. Ask for Dobby and he'll lead you to him.

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Do not let Rachel, Grantaire and Courfeyrac plan any entertainment, never mind cooking.

Courfeyrac: Thank you guys for getting me back. *Shudders* they made me watch keeping up with the Kardashians.

Me: *gasp* you poor thing. You have suffered through a lot.

Grantaire: Don't worry all you've missed is that we got a dog and Bahorel kidnapped one direction.

Courfeyrac: Oh, just the normal. Please tell me he got me Harry's autograph.

Me: No, before he could ask a bunch of one direction fan girls kidnapped them back.

Courfeyrac: Damn it! I really love Harry…

Me: Good for you now what do we do?

*Cricket chirps*

Me: Do you have any idea?

Courfeyrac: Could watch TV?

Grantaire: Enjy has made a list of when we can and cannot watch TV and right now its Jehan… so if you want to watch more Keeping up with the Kardashians. Go right ahead.

Me: Let's make a cake!

Courfeyrac: Or you make it and I eat it.

Me: *Glare* you make it and eat it or nothing.

Grantaire: Can we add alcohol?

*half an hour later and a lot of ingredients*

Grantaire: Are you ready for another bad poem?

One more off key anthem

Let your teeth sink in

Remember me as I was not who I am

Courfeyrac: And I said "I'll check in tomorrow

If I don't wake up dead,"

I kept wishing she had blonde ambition and let it go to my head.

Me: Rat a tat tat

Rat a tat tat tat hey

If my love is a weapon

There's no second guessing when I say.

All three of us: Rat a tat tat

Rat a tat tat tat hey

If my heart is a grenade you pull the pin and say:

Jehan: Stop killing the song! You woke up Hardy.

Hardy: And they say cats can't sing, you guys are worse.

Grantaire: Leave Jehan, we are busy.

Courfeyrac: We lost our place in the song.

Jehan: That's good for the rest of our ears.

Me: LEAVE!

*Jehan leaves the room with a disgruntled Hardy.*

Grantaire: I say we were great. After cooking this cake we should start a band.

Me: What the crazy non-cat lady, the alcoholic and the skirt chaser. Great band name.

Grantaire: That name sounds legit.

Courfeyrac: Well let's bake us a cake.

Me: Ok, you two add the ingredients to the bowl.

Grantaire: Done, we also added three bottles absinthe and a pack of gummy bears.

Me: Great, we will get hammered by eating a crumb. We need to give some to Enjy.

Grantaire: Ok now what do us do.

Me: We wait for it to cook. Want to annoy Enjy until then?

Courfeyrac: Is there anything else I would rather do?

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Author Note: Yes this based of another real thing. I was at my cousin's house, and we made a cake but added absinthe and vodka. But that is in between us lot ;) this is also the same day I got kicked out of Ikea so yeah I'm badass ;) Not really.

The song lyrics here is Rat a tat by Fall out boy. Favourite bad as well as Bastille.

Well that's enough craziness from me for today. Goodnight, morning and evening and I will see you soon xxx


	25. Body swapping and a competition!

Authors note: No I can't believe I have done that. I feel like such a twat, not much difference from normal I know. But I can't believe that I have done that *WORLDS BIGGEST FACE PALM EVER* I called Daniel Huttlestone, David. Well I'm going to curl up in a ball and die. I AM SUCH A TWAT!

Well anyways let's move on with this craziness. Chapter 25 already :0 I have a competition for you lot below.

Disclaimer: I AM TOO AWESOME TO OWN LES MIS!

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Do not laugh at Enjolras and Grantaire when they have a body switching incident. _It's not funny, no it's not _(sorry I had to quote fall out boy.)

Grantaire: Enjy,

Enjolras: *ignores Grantaire*

Grantaire: Enjy-bear

Enjolras: *Ignores Grantaire*

Grantaire: Enjy-fish

Enjolras: *scowling and still ignoring Grantaire*

Grantaire: APOLLO!

Enjolras: WHAT GRANTAIRE!

Grantaire: It doesn't matter.

Enjolras: I AM ALREADY STRESSED OUT WITH THIS REVOLOUTION, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU RIGHT NOW!

Me: *trips on random rock after Bossuet accidentally tripped me up.* Argh the rocks glowing.

Enjolras: RACHEL, LEAVE!

Me: Somebodies PMSing.

Enjolras: LEAVE!

Grantaire: Lighten up Enjy-boi

Enjolras: NO! I HAVE NO TIME TO 'LIGHTEN UP' IF YOU WERE ME YOU WOULD UNDERESTAND!

Grantaire: Do you understand how horrible it is to be me? I have to be bitter and cynical all the time. I can't look forward for anything.

Enjolras: I still have it harder. You just have to worry about what to drink next!

Grantaire: See that is hurtful! Everyone expects that's all I care about. That hurts because I care about you and the Amis. But you can't understand that because you are a marble statue!

*The glowing stone turns green and there is a crack of thunder.*

Enjolras: We wouldn't think like that about if you didn't mess about so much-

*swap bodies so when I say Enjolras he is in Grantaire and vice versa sorry it's confusing.)

Enjolras (he's in R now.): And Grantaire you ruin everything or annoy people with your cynical views.

Grantaire (he's in Enjy now): Um Enjy, why am I looking at myself?

Enjolras: IT IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE! I'M IN GRANTAIRE!

Grantaire: Well I'm going to do some flirting and-

Eponine: *slaps Grantaire because she thinks he's Enjolras.) You *insert non k+ words*

Enjolras: That's a bit harsh.

Eponine: stay out of it Grantaire.

Eponine: Enjolras, I'm breaking up to you. I would lie and say it's not you, it's me. But this is all you.

Enjolras: No Eponine I can fix this!

Eponine: Grantaire! I said stay out of this.

Enjolras: *FACE PALM*

_To be continued…_

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Author's note: Hello again. So this one will be continuing and you know more craziness will follow. Hardy's been rather quite this chapter.

Hardy: That's because you locked me in a wardrobe with Marius. Talk about air head.

Me: Sorry but you were in the way.

I just saw the new Percy Jackson movie. Amazing, all I can say. And I'm going to LEGOLAND on the weekend so no updates from Saturday until Monday/Tuesday.

Now time for this competition. Who has been paying the most attention during this story/ weird thing? Answer these questions and when a top secret and a gorgeous prize ;) As well as an appearance. If you don't know the answer look through the other chapters

Which directioner is Courfeyrac in love with?

How many times has Grantaire been locked in the wardrobe of shame?

What does Enjy call Hardy?

How do you find leprechauns?

Where have we been kicked out of?

What does Javerrrrrrrt dress up as?

What are the 2 national guardsmen called?

Who is accused of being naked?

Who do you lot kidnap from the barricades?

What is the first movie they watch in the Barricade?

BONUS QUESTION (answer this correct and I will love you forever) :

What is the newest album from fall out boy? (Not related but I am curious to see who actually knows this.)

The person with the most correct answers win. Good luck my lovelies and I will see you next time xxxx


	26. Body swapping pt 2

Author's note: Hello again everyone. I have the winner of the quiz, drum roll please.

Azure otter came first with 9 out of ten. Also you have my respect as the album as in fact called 'Save rock and roll' .And here is your first prize *fanfare* A topless Enjy.

Enjolras: I hate you so much Rachel.

Me: You agreed to this suck it up.

Enjolras: You got me drunk and then made me sign a contract.

Me: Boohoo for you.

And for you runners up, you get to listen to Courfeyrac singing I'm Not That Girl from Wicked.

Disclaimer: I did not, not write Les Mis. Confused? So am I.

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_Returning to today's episode of the barricade…_

Enjolras: (who is in Grantaire) *Panic attack and curled up in a bowl.* ….

Grantaire: (who is in Enjolras) this hair, so soft.

Enjolras: This can't be real, I'm dreaming. That's it I'm dreaming.

Grantaire: Dude, you are not dreaming.

Enjolras: Prove it.

Grantaire: Ok *runs up and kicks Enjolras in his shin.*

Enjolras: Ok… not a dream. And God I can kick.

Courfeyrac: R, I and Rachel are going Go Karting. Want to join?

Grantaire: Yes! I love Go Karting

Courfeyrac: WHAT ENJOLRAS LIKES SOMETHING FUN!?

Enjolras: No me and Grantaire had a body swapping incident.

Courfeyrac: Great joke R.

Enjolras: It's true, I'm Enjolras but in Grantaire's body.

Courfeyrac: Prove it. Grantaire say something that only you and I know.

Grantaire: You love all musicals and want to play Raoul in Phantom in the Opera one day. You also know all the words to 'The heat is on' from Miss Saigon.

Courfeyrac: OH MY FLYING LEPRECHAUNS! How did you know that?

Grantaire: You sing really loud in the shower.

Courfeyrac: Well I am going to tell people and they will laugh with me at your two's predicament.

Enjolras: PLEASE HELP! I CAN'T STAND BEING IN THIS BODY ANY LONGER!

Grantaire: Hey, my body is a temple.

Enjolras: To which God? Dionysus.

Grantaire: Shut up Apollo.

Enjolras: Shut up yourself.

Grantaire: No you.

Enjolras: *start catfight*

Courfeyrac: You are both acting like children. And not the fun kind. More like the bratty annoying ones who always have snotty noises.

Grantaire: That hurts.

Courfeyrac: The truth hurts deal with it.

Enjolras: Anyway how do we get back to our bodies?

Courfeyrac: I don't know. Ask Ferre. He's smart.

*Enjolras drags Grantaire out to see Combeferre*

Enjolras: Ferre, I need your help.

Combeferre: What's wrong R? And why are you dragging Enj on the floor.

Grantaire: Long story short we have swapped bodies.

Combeferre: Ha, nice joke.

Enjolras: It's the truth! We shouted at each other and this freaky rock glowed and made us swap bodies.

Combeferre: And you want me to put things right?

Grantaire: Yup!

Combeferre: let me have a look. *cracks open his books.*

*two hours later*

Combeferre: I found out how to swap back! You just need to have both of your hands on the stone and say something nice about each other.

Enjolras: That's going to be impossible.

Grantaire: Fuck you Enjolras, fuck you.

*Both of them hold the weird stone.*

Grantaire: You have um… great leadership skills and erm… great hair.

Enjolras: Well you have ek… are good at having fun and drinking.

*Stone glows blah blah flash of lighting blah blah they are back in they're bodies.*

Enjolras: Soft hair, don't smell like alcohol, I'm back.

Grantaire: Yeah great umm… I'm going to leave.

Enjolras: Wait… what did you do?

Grantaire: You'll see when you push up your sleeve. *runs away.*

Enjolras:*reads out loud: I am hot and do able. But Grantaire is even more gorgeous ;)* GRANTAIRE YOU GOT A TATOO ON MY ARM!

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Authors note: Sorry for the long wait. But I was busy and yeah. Azure otter your second prize will be in the next chapter because this was a carry on story line two shot thing.

This actually happened what I will tell you next. I was changing trains at Kings cross station in London where there is an actual sign for the platform 9 ¾ like in Harry Potter. And this little kid who was like 7 or 8 ran into the wall shouting "I'm going to Hogwarts!" And the parents weren't watching and I shouted. "No you're going to A and E." It probably didn't sound funny but it was a funny moment and I was proud of that line I said. The kid was also fine after his parents noticed him crying on the floor.

I will not most likely be able to update till next week as I am going to LEGOLAND. Woo living the childhood dream. Well good bye for now and I will write for you soon xxxx


	27. That's what she said

Author's note: HHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY! I am back from the land of Lego. It was great, went on loads of roller-coaster and the sorts.

FALL OUT BOY WERE AT READING AND I COULDN'T GO! Excuse me while I go and die. My Cousin met them and didn't even get me an autograph. So I was like "_Sugar_ _we_ _are going down, down_!" So now I have to settle to singing fall out boy in my room while watching the festival highlights. You may say _I'm saying words over dramatic. _Virtual cookies for anyone who knows what songs I quoted there **(::) **

Disclaimer: If I own Les Mis I would be rich and would have had tickets for reading festival. But I don't have either :'(

You all are adults (except for Gavroche and Rachel) do not say 'that's what she said' at any time. And stop doing any sexual innuendos in front of Gavroche. He is an innocent child, unlike you filth.

Enjolras: Jehan, shut up!

Combeferre: I don't think it was Jehan who screamed then. It sounded to feminine to even be his. I would say it was Rachel.

Grantaire: But Rachel's a boy.

Me:* wacks Grantaire with nearest object which happens to be Enjolras's books.*

Enjolras: Careful!

Grantaire: Sorry… you are not a man.

Me: Thank you, and no I didn't do that squeal. As that noise is distinctively a fangirling scream and I haven't got anything to fangirl over.

Courfeyrac: Fangirls got in?

Enjolras: No as someone would be kidnapped ages ago.

*Similar squeal happens.*

Grantaire: OW! I think my eardrums burst.

Combeferre: Ok, they might be Jehan.

Hardy: IT WAS HIM! And I am annoyed as he keeps on screaming.

Enjolras: Spawn of Satan…

Hardy: Shut up Human. You are lucky I am not a lion or a tiger.

Jehan: *screams again.* I got my fall out boy t-shirt. *screams again.*

Me: Stop screaming, we know you are excited.

Grantaire: That's what she said…

Me: Ewww… sick child and that is just nasty.

Feuilly: *repairing a table in Musain* Ok almost done.

Grantaire: What are you doing Feuilly?

Feuilly: Fixing this table. *turns back to the table.*

Grantaire: Sounds fun…

Feuilly: I just need to fit this here. This is actually a lot harder than I first thought. I need to just… yes this works.

Grantaire: *giggles* That's what she said.

Feuilly: Dude… no just no.

Gavroche: What do you mean 'that's what she said'?

Eponine: *Death glares at Grantaire.*we will tell you when you are older.

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Enjolras: Gah, Grantaire why did you go for a walk in the wardrobe?

Grantaire: Hehe you can't find me. Oh hello, I see I am not the only one walking in the wardrobe today.

Enjolras: Well I don't need to look for you anymore. You can do whatever you want.

Grantaire: That's what she said…

Azure Otter: Oh hell no. That is not even funny.

Grantaire: It is an appropriate use.

Azure Otter: No it's not. Now you will go back to the barricade and write a 2000 word essay on why that sentence was not appropriate in anyway. You will then post it in the fangirls door by tomorrow.

Grantaire: Yes Miss…

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Author's note: *fangirl squeals!* Yes I ordered my Fall out boy top today. *fangirl squeal again!* I wrote this as I was talking to my friend Kitcatt on facebook and he said 'that's what she said.' Every other comment, very frustrating.

Not being a homophobe but is it me but 'walking in the wardrobe' sound like a way of saying you are gay but not out of the closet? Hmmm… life's mysteries.

I am still dying over the fact my cousin met fall out boy but didn't get me an autograph. And she just sent me a text saying. "Do you like Bastille? Because if you do I just met Dan Smith and had a photo with him. Night Cousin:P" I replied with these words. "You bitch! Also how tall is his hair?"

Anyways goodnight and goodbye xxx


	28. Bahorel the ice skating queen

Author's note: olleh or hello. I am back and I am crazy. Littlepeopleknow you can join me Jehan in the fall out boy fangirling and I am fine with murdering my cousin but CANNABOLISM IS WRONG!

I am starting back in school next Wednesday. Is it weird I want to go back to school? I am starting yr10 so I have to actually 'work hard' ewww. I haven't seen any of my friends for almost two months *cry.* It sucks to go to boarding school sometimes.

Sorry that I made you wait so long to update. I have been busy visiting family and buying school stuff and being lazy in general.

Disclaimer: Everyone seems to think I wrote Les mis. It was actual wrote by three leprechauns on holiday in Paris.

We are never going ice skating again. You ask why? I am too tired to tell you.

Jehan: Bahorel what is this? *Holds up a pair of Ice skates*

Bahorel: Erm… umm

Jehan: Is this a medal?

Bahorel: No it is… all a dream

Jehan: Did you used to ice skate?

Bahorel: No… I would never do such things, I am a man and I would do such a girly thing. You look in the dictionary and there will be a picture of me next to the word masculine.

Jehan: Bahorel, you like one direction. We thinking you are a manly man is a ship that has long sailed. And anyway Enjolras used to do and still does ballet. Remember when Grantaire bought him a pink sparkly tutu?

Bahorel: Yeah… great times.

Jehan: I know let's all go Ice skating.

Bahorel: I have a feeling I am going to dread this.

*hour later*

Courfeyrac: Rachel why do you look so worried.

Me: I… hate… ice… skating. *clings onto the hand railing*

Feuilly: Actually why did you come? You have no coordination, balance and no sporting ability.

Me: Love you to Feuilly and you lot dragged me here.

Bahorel: Come on we only have an hour and Grantaire is already smashed.

Grantaire: I'm a Barbie gurllll. In a barbbie wurldd. Lifes plasssticcc itssss fannnntassstic. *face plants ice rink.*

Bahorel: You are all amatures. *skates off*

Bossuet: Guys… I think I broke my arm.

Everyone: *Face palm.*

You lot: WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM ICE SKATING!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM!

Enjolras: Grantaire, why are you wearing my pink sparkly tutu?

Grantaire: *Sits up for second* caussse I-I looook hotttter t-t-thhhhan y-y-you in it.

Enjolras: No one looks hotter than me ever!

Me: Calm down Enjy, you might break a nail.

Courfeyrac: *sniggers*

Enjolras: *death glare that makes the ice to start melting.*

You lot: ENJOLRAS YOU ARE HOT. GRANTAIRE YOU ARE DRUNK AND IN ENJY'S TUTU. BAHOREL STOP SPINING YOU WILL BE SICK AND RACHEL GET HELP!

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Author's note: Sorry for the crap chapter but I am so tired I am about to collapse on the laptop and start drooling. Yeah… too much info I know…

I won't be able to update until next week or the week after for all off my stories as I am going back to school and will be extremely busy doing sports (Gross I know but I have gained like 30 pounds over the summer.) And learning. Yes I work hard in class… does that surprise you. Ok… I can see it does.

But I have been on my Wattpad account and wrote a new story… HINT HINT! It is called How to be… Forever Alone. It is the first in my How to be… series. My name on there is called rachelnorman16. I wrote this as I'm a self-proclaimed professor in this subject. But you lot I need your help. Yes you on the laptop or smart phone. My next one will be called How to be… an ultimate fangirl/boy. So please send me tips and ideas.

Well goodbye for now and I'll update soon xxx


	29. Alter egos and girl shy Courf

Author's note: Heya mothertruckers. You are all lied, she said she thinking "She wasn't gonna update." Well I have time and I thought you all shall marvel in ma craziness. Littlepeopleknow had given me this prompt a while ago and I thought I should do it. SO thank you and if any of you want to see something happen send a request

Anyway I think I found out how I am mad. I got it from my father. I'll tell you a little story from my expense. Once upon a day ago when I was buying Cd's (All time low's as my brothers had broken my old ones.) And this rather good looking boy, my age started flirting with me. We started to fangirl over many bands we both shared a love of when my father came other and said. "Hello, Rachel why are you flirting with a boy. Have you told him you're bi-sexual yet?" The look on the boy's face was a picture. I ran away blushing like an Enjy's vest before I killed my father. By the way I am not Bi-sexual, my father just wanted to embarrass me. Yeah I hate my parents sometimes…

Disclaimer: I own Enjy but nothing else. You jealous, yeah you're all jealous.

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Do not allow any alter ego's in the barricade, on risk of a long, boring and painful *cough* death *cough* erm… I meant an inspiring lecture by Enjolras which would never ever be boring.

Grantaire: I can't believe it. That damned cat drunk all my alcohol!

Hardy: i-i-it'sss not like y-y-yoouu haavven'ttt ddrunk at aaaaaallllllllllll t-t-t… I see stars, in their multitude.

Javert:*storms in*NO, NO THAT's MY THING. I HAVE COPYRIGHTED IT, SO DO NOT BREAK THE LAWRRRRRR! *leaves dramatically.*

Hardy: *passes out*

Enjolras: So it is now a drunk spawn of Satan… great *sarcastic eye roll*

Jehan: Leave Hardy alone!

Combeferre: Some things never changed…

Me: Amen to that bro.

Combeferre: Bro? I ain't related to you!

Me: *Sigh and face palm*

Joly: Someone's knocking on the wardrobe.

Feuilly: Is it only me that thinks having a wardrobe of shame that can take you to Hogwarts, Narnia, Wonderland, and Camp Half-blood and to Fangirls weird?

*cricket chirps*

Grantaire: We have a TV, internet and music from almost 200 years in the future. That seems normal

Enjolras: I'll answer it. OH MY LOVELY PATRIA!

Bahorel: What is it?

Enjolras #2: Hey, we brought wine.

Me: Holy wasabi peas and rice.

Enjolras: *girly, fake faint*

Grantaire #2: Sorry I told him not to bring alcohol but he told me to stop being a stick in the mud.

*Every NoRmAl Barricader jaw's drop to beneath the floor*

Combeferre #2: *wearing all black, eye liner and not the smart and geeky Ferre we all know and love dearly.*

Combeferre: *Starts coughing, chocking and basically dying*

Me: THIS IS A DREAM AS THIS IS TO WEIRD!

Me#2: No this is not dream as you are awake and would feel pain.

Me: WHAT IN THE JALEOPEANOS! YOU LOOK SMART AND BORING.

Me#2: I take offence to that you half-witted imbecile.

Me: Bitch please. I may be slightly weird.

Feuilly: Slightly? *Raises eye brow.*

Me: Seriously Feuilly? I thought we were friends.

Feuilly: Who's been telling you lies?

Me: I will deal with you when I deal with this cocky mothertrucker.

Me#2: Let me get the glasses off.

Me: Bitch they aren't even real glasses. You hipster wanna be.

Me#2: At least I ain't an Emo.

Me: I AM NOT AN EMO. THAT'S IT SHIT IS GOING DOWN!

*Me and me#2 have a bitch fight.*

Enjolras: I had this horrible dream that I… *shudders* acted like Grantaire.

Combeferre: If that was a dream we all are having the same one.

Grantaire#2: We should explain. We are your alter egos. We were traveling in the wardrobe one day and saw you lot and decided to see how different you were. That wasn't a good idea.

Bossuet: Ya think?

Combeferre#2: I think we better leave now. Before someone gets hurt.

Me: That's it I'm sharping my teaspoon.

*I chuck the spoon at me#2 but hit Bossuet.*

Courfeyrac #2: TOO MANY GIRLS… GOING INTO AWKWARD SITUATION! I GOTTA GO!

Gavroche#2: Eponine, may I have some more maths homework please.

Gavroche: Hahahaha… nerd. *happily eats cookies.*

Grantaire#2: Alter egos we shall leave now.

Enjolras: *looks like a gaping goldfish.*

Me: HAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE. I SHALL REVEL IN ALL ITS GLORY. I AM… OH SHINY SPOON.

Everyone else: *FACE PALM!*

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Author's note: I think I have a slight obsession with teaspoons and saying random food names. But yeah a Girl shy Courf, Emo Ferre, Fun Enj and a serious R and Gav. And a hipster version of me *shudders* I do not wanna be in that universe. I am not going to update until I am back in school *sob* you shall all miss the glory of my craziness.

I actual done an alter ego quiz earlier. Yeah they were also single. Is that a sign that I am meant to be forever alone?

Anyway goodnight and goodbye xxxx


	30. Roomate joins for a tangent

Author note: YYYYYEEEEEELLLLLOOOOOOWWWWWW! Wait did I just say Yellow? What the fuck is I on? Anyways sorry for the long, long, long wait. I just started school, now in yr10 and starting my GCSE's I AM SHIT SCARED! And I am on the top floor of my boarding house. I HAVE TO WALK UP TWO FLIGHTS OF STAIRS! I'm soooo lazy I bet the Troll but me there on purpose. (The Troll is my house mistress, MAJOR BITCH!)

I wrote this with my beautiful roommate Anna-Mae Barlow. So yeah this can work two ways…

Also my school play this year is LES MISERABLES AHHHHH Fangirl feels! I have already signed up and I am a lovely lady. A wink, wink. I wish I could sing, because I would play Éponine. But anyways leave me to my fangirling….

Disclaimer: I have kidnapped Gavroche and Courfeyrac… yeah I do love those adorable two.

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Do not… screw it this is just a collection of absolute randomness and skittles induced craziness

Enjolras: So… quite. It is so strange. Has she really been gone two weeks?

Grantaire: Yeah, I lost ma drinking buddy. *Goes back to building a house of cards.*

Enjolras: You drank anyway.

Grantaire: It wasn't as fun though.

*The magical wardrobe of shame doors burst open*

Me: What's up bitches?!

Enjolras: And the quiet ends…

Me: I brought my roommate back with me.

Enjolras: Oh God… another girl! *Panicking and passes out*

Grantaire: Yo, yo, yo how are you mofo?

Me: Are you a gangsta now?

Grantaire: No I'm a pirate.

Me: *Facepalm.* Anna-Mae you can come in.

Anna-Mae: Ummm… why is there a wardrobe that can teleport you?

Grantaire: Because this is Rachel's mind and she has had one too many skittles of a late. So about anything goes here.

Mae: Ummm… ok. I am slightly scared.

Combeferre: You should be. Anyways why are you here.

Me: Because I am so awesome I brought her in to my imagination and daydreams. I really want a pet unicorn… *goes off thinking about unicorns.*

Enjolras: I think she's gotten madder, if possible.

Grantaire: Someone head her on her head and she'll be normal again.

Mae: She never was normal.

Me: Hey, I'm norrrr- wait what was I saying again?

Enjolras: *Face palm*

Combeferre: Did she hit her head or something.

Mae: She ran into a door and then fell onto a corner unit.

Grantaire: Idiot…

Me: Anna-Mae, did you bring the skittles?

Mae: Of course I did. * Hands over a giant packet of skittles.*

*Half an hour later*

Grantaire: She, she ain't real

She ain't gonna love you like I will.

She is a stranger

You and I have history don't you remember?

Sure she's got it all, but baby is that really what you want?

Anna-mae: Left you soul

You've got your head in the crowd

She's made a fool out of you

She's bringing you down

Me: She made your heart melt

But she's cold to the core

And she's the one you're leaving me for.

Combeferre: *Shakes head slowly and backs away.*

Me: I'VE GOT A BRILLIANT IDEA! Let's go in a giant hamster ball on the Seine!

Grantaire: OH MY GOD YES!

Anna-Mae: Let's do this!

*Two hours later and Grantaire is soaking wet and smells like the river*

Enjolras: What happened?

Grantaire: Well it was finally my turn and it was fun and all.

Enjolras: So how are you drenched and stink like the Seine?

Grantaire: Well then Rachel decided that a penguin would be riding a Unicorn that could swim underwater and the unicorn popped the Hamster ball. Making me fall in the river.

Joly: YOU ARE UNCLEAN! LEAVE THIS BARRICADE AND BE DECONTAMINATED!  
You lot: *FACEPALM X 500,000,000*

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Author's notes: Hello again. Yes this was a different type of tangent but I have been so busy I haven't had enough time to comprehend my awkward situations and turn them into awesome daydreams for you lot to enjoy. I have had so many weird things happen today e.g. running down the corridors of my boarding house with another boarder in my year on my back, holding a red bed sheet singing Blurred lines. Or mine and Anna-Mae's amazing chair dancing and singing instead of doing Prep or what you all call Homework. Well that is all for now and thank you all for reviews, Favorites and followers. They do mean a lot to me so thanks.

And if you haven't guessed that song was Rumor has it

Also the next update will be posted every Wednesday or Saturday depending on my time and all that. Thank you and goodbye xxx


	31. A visitfrom one direction

Author's note: YO YO YO MOFO, HOW YA DOIN? Yeah I'm a gangsta now, you well jel. Ummm… no… ok embarrassing. Anyways I have updated again, yes just for you lot. You should feel honored. Littlepeopleknow, I hope you and Daniel are happy together. I am very happy with being in a three way relationship with Ben and Jerry. Yup forever alone here.

Disclaimer: *Insert witty disclaimer here*

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Do not allow any members from one direction on to the barricades. It demeans us all.

Hardy: Stupid vet… WHY IS THERE A GIANT CONE ON MY HEAD!

Max: HA, HA, HA you look like an idiot.

Hardy: Shut up mutt.

Max: Fleabag

Hardy:! £$&^*!

Max: TOO FAR!

Jehan: Max leaves my innocent Hardy alone.

Max: Did you hear what he just said?! Those words did not come from an innocent mouth.

Jehan: Let's get you away from that disgusting creature.

Hardy: Hmmm, something we both agree on human.

Bahorel: I just so the One Direction movie. My life is almost complete. I just need to meet them… again.

Courfeyrac: I agree, it was so moving.

Me: WHY DID YOU MAKE ME GO!? I HATE THEM WITH A PASSION OF 10 BURNING BUILDINGS.

Bahorel: You were crying.

Me: Because you tied me to a chair and it gave me rope burn. And it was Courfeyrac who was crying actually.

Courfeyrac: Shut up…

Me: You two owe me BIG TIME! *Dramatic exit*

Bahorel: Courf, I think we should try Rachel's imagination thingy.

Courfeyrac: Ok… but how?

Bahorel: Like this… *massages temples.*

Enjolras: WHY IS MY HAIR CHANGING COLOUR AS I SPEAK?! GRANTAIRE WHAT DID YOU DO?

Grantaire: I DID NOTHING! Wish I did though.

Courfeyrac: That is… so cool.

Bahorel: OK now for the major ice breaker. *starts messaging his temples again.*

*Knock on the wardrobe of shame.*  
Courfeyrac: I'll answer it. * opens the door and falls on the floor suffering from acute fangirl syndrome.*

Bahorel: It worked. *Happy dance.*

Harry (Styles): Where are we?

Courfeyrac: sdqwrhu4ty97238467tyshfvfw£R%%gbshfgyw

Bahorel: gyweg864tgy2hg3fetyw8ww. Sorry excuse us one moment. Gtty62tgey21tgeyqwtdu7

Niall: Can we come in. We're running from One direction haters. *Flaming arrow narrowly misses Niall's head.*

Me: NO BECAUSE I HATE YOU! *Bahorel covers my mouth with his hand.*

Bahorel: Excuse her, of course you can come in. *insert fangirl squeal.*

Me: *bites Bahorel's hand.*

Bahorel: Ow, that hurt.

Me: It was suppose too.

Harry: *Starts looking in a mirror.* My hair has got to be the best hair anyone has ever seen. Like I would marry it, but I am attached to it as it is.

Me: Hmmm… time to mischief

Zayne: What was that?

Me: Nothing, that was supposed to be an internal monologue. *GARR I HATE THEM, DID THEY HEAR THAT?* Anyways I think you should tell that guy *points at Enjy-bear.* that your hair is soooo much as he said it was lame.

Harry (Styles): WHAT! NO ONE HAS BETTER HAIR THAN ME! MY HAIR SHOULD BE A GOD! *Marches over to Enjolras*

*MAJOR BITCH FIGHT BREAKS OUT*

Enjolras: Your hair is so stupid it asks what time the six o'clock news start.

Harry (Styles): Well your hair is so stupid that if you look up stupid in the dictionary, a picture of your hair will be there.

Enjolras: Well…. Your mum is so fat that when she walks in front of the TV, I miss a whole three series of Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Harry (Styles): You did not just bring my mummy in this Gretel?

Enjolras: *attitude finger snap.* Oh yes I did, and when you to McDonald's they ask you what you don't want.

Me: I have never been so entertained in my life.

Grantaire: Me neither, popcorn? *holds out bag of popcorn.*

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Author's note: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE DOUBLE HISTORY FIRST THING MORNING! I have had the most socially awkward week of my life. First we got a seating plan in Geography which made me sit next to the boy I like *Face palm* and he is girl awkward as much as I am boy awkward and I accidentally stabbed in the hand with a blue coloring pencil. *GIANT FACE PALM!* Just… kill me now. But he just laughed at me and carried on working.

Also my friend Milo got the part of Enjolras in the school play. HE WAS HAVING A HAPPY DANCE IN THE MIDDLE OF PHYSICS! And people call me weird?

Also me and Anna-Mae, ma roommate who I have corrupted with ma evilness. Have decided we will do random YouTube sketches (Humor and Parody of course.) In the next coming weeks so yeah. Tell you lot more then as it thanks to you guys… yes you reading this that I have the confidence to this so a GIANT COOKIE **(::) **from me. Love you all xxx


	32. A barricade hockey match

Author's note: _WHERE WILL YOU BE WAKING UP TOMORROW MORNING? OUT THE BACK DOOR, GO_D _DAMN I LOVE HER ANY WAY_. Urm sorry…. I was just singing to Miss Jackson by Panic! At the disco. Yeah awkward. Anyway sorry for the uber long wait but life sucks lately. I officially hate the male race. I am going to join a convent and become a nun. Wait a second… I can't become a nun! I don't do nice things or sharing. Ok I am just having a midlife crisis.

So sorry about that, I am doing this instead of doing homework. I also have been dancing on chairs with Anna Mae eating skittles, listening to Hollywood undead and Fall out boy. We also smoked menthols and threw a party. Not really smoking is bad kids. I got this idea when a friend and I skived hockey as IT IS THE WORST SPORT ON THE PLANET!

Disclaimer: Psh I do not own Les Mis.

Hockey is banned from the barricade, it is too dangerous, Enjy had an identity crisis, Javert has stopped swearing by the stars, and Grantaire become sober (For like two seconds.) And Cosette became a bitch.

Grantaire: Rachel, what is that stick you're carrying.

Me: Something to impale you with.

Grantaire: Ok somebody missed nap time.

Me: No I had to do *shudder* exercise, what's worse. It was hockey.

Grantaire: What's hockey.

Me: The worst form of torture you could ever imagine.

Courfeyrac: You say that about all sports.

Me: Shut up…

Bahorel: What is hockey?

Me: It's a sport *rolls eyes.*

Enjolras: No shit Sherlock. And I have an idea… *runs off.*

Me: I'm going to watch some reality TV and count how many brain cells I kill by doing so.

Grantaire: I have an AA meeting. I better be off.

*Hear a pin drop.*

You lot: ARE WE HEARING THINGS!

Me: Do you know what AA is?

Grantaire: Yes and bye.

*Two hours later.*

Me: How was AA?

Grantaire: They kicked me out.

Me: Why?

Grantaire: I am past the helping point, too cynical and made the women in charge cry.

Me: WOW! You… amaze me.

Combeferre: Guys Enjy wants everyone outside the café.

Grantaire: This can't be good.

*Outside the Musain.*

Me: NO, NO, NO, NO!

Enjolras: Yes, we are going to have a hockey match.

*I slam my head against a brick wall repeatedly*

Me: I am commentating with Grantaire.

*Half an hour later.*

Me: And here on this beauty- ok horrible thursday evening we have Le Garcons. Team captain is Enjolras. His team consists of Courfeyrac, Marius, Combeferre, Jehan, Feuilly, Bahorel, Gavroche and Bossuet. Wait, why is Bossuet playing?

Grantaire: Ok well they are going against a rather mixed team. In this team we are led by Éponine. But the team is: Javert, Valjean, Cosette, Joly, Musichetta, Thénardier, Azelma and Derek the whistle boy.

Javerrrrrrrt: Valjean, at last we see each other-

Éponine: NOW IS NOT THE TIME!

Javerrrrrrrt: You hurt my feelings. I shall stop swearing by the stars.

Marius: Cosette, darling doesn't play. You'll get hurt.

Cosette: Shut the %^&% up!

*pin drops. Valjean and every one stare at Cosette.*

Thénardier: WHY AM I HERE?

Azelma: BITCH THIS MY FIRST APPEARANCE!  
Me: At least I put you in. The movie and musical didn't.

Derek the whistle boy: Can we just start now?

*One hour later.*

Me: So after Bossuet snapped his hockey stick in half, Marius ran away crying. Courf tried to hit on Azelma. Éponine's team won. 6-2

Grantaire: What is Enjy doing now?

Enjolras: WHO AM I, WHO AM I-

Jean Valjean: Bitch that's my song.

Javerrrrrrrt: My lawrrrrrr senses are tingling. Someone stole some bread.

Jean Valjean: OH FUCK!

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Authors note: Yes I am normal. Yes I am sane. I am now going to stop obbs- *breaks out in hysterics.* Sorry I couldn't stop it. So yeah… I REALLY HATE HOCKEY!

Littlepeopleknow I am proud that you have obsessed with Fall out boy, if you like Fall out boy listen to You me at six, Panic! At the disco and All time Low as they are brilliant ;)

Wildheart86 this Milo is a great singer and with much comparing and deliberating with my friend Lily while watching Les Mis at her house eating pizza. We came to the conclusion. Yes he has great hair. Though he is a strange one…

I also decided what I am doing with this story. I am going to try and get 100 chapters. Yes a high number but I don't feel like I can end it anytime soon.

This weekend I am home, woohoo internet time. The weekend after I am getting my hair dyed from my natural color (blonde) to brown. Then the weekend after is APC or carrying a 10-20 kilo bag up a mountain. Camping a night and walking back to school. Or simply hell on earth.

So updates will be at least once a week unless I have loads of work. (Curse you exams…)

But goodnight/morning/afternoon and I'll be back soon xxx


	33. Reality tv and revenge is sweet

Author's note: Hey! So I had major writers block this week, yeah it sucks. But I was in art detention earlier with my friend Kitkat (his last name is actually Kitkat… and yeah I speak to boys.) Because we had clay fight and I accidentally hit my art teacher in the head… with a giant clay ball. So we were cleaning pallets and shit when Kitkat starting to do his David Attenborough impression. And this idea hit me… yes he dropped the paint pallet on my foot. So I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I know I don't own Les Mis ok.

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We are not allowed to make hit reality shows as it reduces peoples IQ's and hurts peoples *cough* Enjy's *cough* feelings and he then gives us lectures.

Grantaire: Wow… I can feel the brain cells dying.

Me: It's so addicting. I want to stop watching but I can't.

Courfeyrac: Shit… Enj is coming. Quick but something educational on!

Me: I can't the remote is broken. The cat ate the buttons.

Jehan: Don't blame Hardy… it was probably the mutt.

Enjolras: What are you four and ACHO the spawn of Satan up to?

Me: *covers TV* Psh what makes you think we are up to something?

Enjolras: A) it's you lot. C) You are covering the TV. Now tell me!

Grantaire: You forgot B)

Enjolras: I'm too important to discuss trivial matters with you.

Grantaire: No you are too blonde to remember it.

Enjolras: Shut up *shoves me the TV* Reality TV is banned. It reduces your IQ.

Me: We all know that Grantaire and Courf have a lower IQ than a moldy pea.

Grantaire: Dumbblondesayswhat.

Me: What?

Grantaire: HA!

Enjolras: Umm… where was I in my rant?

Jehan: You were at it reduces our IQ and blah blah blah.

Enjolras: Ok… umm *insert boring and long specch.* NO MORE REALITY TV!

Jehan: NOOOOO, MADE IN CHELSEA IS BACK ON SOON!

Courfeyrac: I need to see who wins Beauty and the geek!

Enjolras: Boohoo, tell someone who cares.

Grantaire: I'll go tell your mum tonight.

You lot: OH NO HE DIDN'T!

Enjolras: Fine that's it I'm confiscating your Sims 3

Grantaire: How will I live?

Enjolras: Don't know or care. But the sky box has been disconnected! *Dramatic exit.*

Me: So what do we now do with our lives?

Grantaire: We have lives?

Me: Good question but he has also taken the alcohol, phones, Sims 3 and now sky. I say we need revenge!

Grantaire: What to d- WAIT THE IDEA FAIRY JUST VISITED!

Me: Ok, what are we doing?

Grantaire: We are going to make a reality TV show about annoying Enjy-pig

Me: You never fail to amaze me!

*Two hours later.*

Me: So here we are at the barricades. Now today's episode is about telling Joly we ran out of hand sanitizer and the annoying Enjolras game. But first Grantaire is going to see what happens when Enjolras is on a sugar high.

Grantaire: Ok well while Rachel was giving the intro I went into the kitchen and mixed Enjolras's coffee with sugar and red bull. And I believe he is about to take a sip… ah he just downed the cup let's give it two minutes and see what happens.

*Two minutes later.*

Enjolras: Why have I got a tingly feeling in my arms and the sudden urge to run around? I don't run. Hey why am I doing star jumps? How didn't I realize- Is anyone hungry? I'm suddenly famished. Is that a bag of skittles? Hmm will anyone notice if I have a few-

Grantaire: So a hyper active Enjy-pig is a talkative one.

Me: Nothing new there.

Enjolras: I CAN HEAR COLOURS!

Bossuet: *On roller skates* ENJ MOVE I CAN'T CONTROL THESE TORTURE DEVICES STUCK ONTO MY FEET!

You lot: Who let Bossuet have roller skates? * folds arms and raises eyebrows.*

Courfeyrac: *meekly raises a hand.*

You lot: Leave now.

Courfeyrac: *Leaves and goes into the wardrobe of shame.*

*Bossuet crashes into Enjy-pig*

Me: Ok well we are going to run away to the end of the rainbow. There is a leprechaun throwing a party and Enjy-pig has come out of his sugar rush… so bye now!

Enjolras: My head- wait you two get back here!

Grantaire: Run!

Me: I CAN'T RUN!

*both enter the wardrobe of shame and go to the Leprechaun party where they see Courf.*

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Author's note: So yeah… got a new name for our little blonde revolutionary, Enjy-pig.

Anna Mae, that thing I share a room with forced me into a cross country race yesterday! It was 4k of pure hell and I cut my thumb and I didn't even fall over. HOW DO YOU CUT YOUR THUMB WHILE WALKING?! Yeah I walked it. Came 23rd … out of 23. I hate sport. Mae only came 22nd as she was like running? I don't run.

Ah prison such a lovely place where all the girls are slags and bitch about you. Or you can call it high school… You can see I'm not bitter (note the sarcasm!)

Well I bid you lot adieu and I am going to ride my zebrecorn that farts chewing gum and is called Harold. So goodbye xx


	34. under the sea & a serious note :'(

Author's note: HEY! Ice flower yes you all still have Aaron and I think Littlepeopleknow still has Daniel hidden in her wardrobe. I don't feel sorry for the guy he insulted my awesomeness! And Zeldalover 272 he is one of the reasons I hate the male race ;)

So I had this idea in math's on Saturday… yeah I have Saturday school. My first three lessons are Chemistry, math and history. Life is not good lately….

Also in this very same math lesson I and my friend Cecily came up with Whaleacorns and a story around them. This is the altered version.

I have an important message at the end… don't be worried it isn't extremely serious, well kind off is.

Disclaimer: I own two Fall out boy tickets (yeah you heard me I am going to see Fall out boy!) But I do not own les mis.

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Please do not allow Bossuet to go diving, it will end very badly.

Me: When Rome's in ruins,

We are the lions

Free of the coliseums

In poison places we are anti-venom

We're the beginning off the en-

Grantaire: Who's dying?

Me: *glares*

Grantaire: Who annoyed you and what did they do?

Me: Bully circle in PSE and the TEACHER JOINED IN!

Grantaire: What did they say?

Me: That I'm forever alone _** (author's note: THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED!)**_

Grantaire: It's tru- no it's not.

Me: *glares *

Grantaire: Do you know what I think it's been too long since I've done something crazy and wild so let's go diving.

Me: Umm ok?

Bossuet: Can I join, it's on my bucket list.

Grantaire: The more the merrier.

Courfeyrac: Can I join?

Grantaire: No.

*Insert length of time in*

Instructor: So you lot ready to go?

Grantaire: Yes

Bossuet: Yes

Me: N- *falls in the water*

Grantaire: Twat.

*Bossuet and Grantaire go in the water.*

Me: This is not fun, Sebastian the crab just pinched me. And it is not fun under the sea!

Grantaire: Killjoy.

Bossuet: Oh my panda in a tutu- there's a Whaleacorns!  
Me: WTF!

Bossuet: It's a whale version of a unicorn!

Me: That is soooo cool and why is it swimming towards us!?

Grantaire: Don't know but just keep swimming!

Bossuet: I'm stuck on its pointing thing on its head… SHIT!

*after the attack of the whaleacorn.*

Bossuet: Ow, ow, ow.

Enjolras: what happened?

Me: Whaleacorns are not nice creatures!

Enjolras: *carries on working.* Why do I question an more?

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Author's note: Sorry this is shit I will try harder next time!

**Important note time!**

So yeah this is kind of important. But bear with me

So the last two years mainly six months I have changed so much. Not in a good way though mainly. I won't bore you with the details but my personal life has been ruined and I don't know who I am anymore. I have changed into someone different. I don't recognize myself. A year ago I dressed different, talked different, and acted different . I was different. But shit happened and now I am not the old me.

Ever since starting back at school I have been struggling more to keep it together. Seeing my 'friends' again… well that's one thing I don't know who most of my friends are anymore. I feel alone and lost. But people have started to stereotype me as a Emo. I am an Emo. I admit it now. I am emotionally unstable most of the time. But people treat me different now. I have had rumors spread about me like "She cuts." Or "She's a freak." I am fed up with the stereotypes. I am sick to death of people saying stuff like this. This is how people actually start to do stuff like that. I have lost my trust in so many people. Like why do people think "she's an Emo she is anti-social and is angry all the time." Yes I am anti-social because of bitches that are waste of my time. I'm not angry, just sad.

But thanks to fan fiction and other websites such as Watt pad I have something to help me from doing something stupid. You guys have helped through the last six months , writing these stories help me keep sane and to vent my feelings. I love reading your comments as they make me smile. So thank you for being there when I've been alone. Why can't we all accept we are all different. Like Anna mae, my roommate is a hipster. Cecily is a Goth and my friend Alice is a 'cool kid'. WE ARE ALL HUMAN!

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to explain why I am thankful for you guys. I promise from now on less rants and more weirdness ;)


	35. Me and grantaire go on a run

Authors note: Hello I am here to grace you very lucky people with my presence and glory. Aren't you lot lucky ;) Anyway sorry for the rant and thank you for the support so here have a virtual cookie **(::) **I wrote this chapter instead of going to hockey hehehe I am such a rebel that even Enjolras would be proud.

Enjolras: I am not proud because exercise is good for you.

Me: It is suppressing my rights to sit inside and go on fanfiction and to drink coffee.

Anyway… sorry for that Enjolras just likes to randomly pop up in my mind. AND THE IDEA FAIRY JUST GAVE ME A VISIT! Sorry again these stories are wrote on a whim and not very planned through oh well let's get onto the craziness. Also one of my friends again made an appearance…

Cecily: Hi I'm Cecily and I'm alcoholic.

Me: No… just no

Claimer: Yeah I and old Vic are great pals. We traded les Mis for a pack of gum.

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What happens when Rachel and Grantaire actually try to be healthy (it does not last long… about half an hour.)

Me: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Grantaire: What's wrong? Who died?

Me: The internet did.

Grantaire: NO! We have no internet!

Me: *curls into a ball and rocks backwards and forewards.*

Grantaire: What will we do now?

Me: Get lives?

*everyone on the barricades laughs at that stupid comment.*

Me: Whoa guys it was only a suggestion.

Enjolras: THE SPAWN OF STATAN IS DRINKING MY COFFEE AND IS WEARING MY RED VEST! SHIT IS GOING DOWN!

Hardy: I hate weekdays *grumbles*

*Ten minutes later*

Me: I can't take it… my life is over!

Feuilly: What life.

Me: Feuilly, why are you so mean to me?

Feuilly: *shrugs shoulders.*

*sudden pounding on the wardrobe of shame*

Enjolras: Why can't people bother a different part of Rachel's mind! I heard the Vampire diaries part is interesting.

*Enjolras stops whining and opens the door.*

Me: ARGH! IT IS SO SMALL AND SCARY AND IT IS CECILY.

Cecily: Shut up. You locked me in the wardrobe and forgot about me

Me: It's because you're so small

Gavroche: Little people are awesome

Cecily: Yeah!

Me: Um ok… anyway back to being bored.

Grantaire: I have an idea… but it is scary.

Me: What is it?

Grantaire: We should go on a …. *shivers* run.

*insert horror movie scream.*

Me: ARE YOU CRAZY!?  
Cecily: Ha Rachel, run. Ha that'll never happen.

Me: And you'll never be 5ft so… *sticks out tongue.*

*Half an hour later.*

Grantaire: You two ready to go?

Me: WHY AM I DOING THIS?!  
Cecily: Rachel It's good for you.

Me: Yeah and I'm sure that having mental conversations with fictional characters from books is normal *glares.*

Grantaire: She really hates exercise doesn't she…?

Cecily: *nods.*

Me: I do not; I play netball, swim and walk up stairs.

Cecily: So much exercise. *sarcastic eye roll.*

Me: I don't like your tone young lady.

Cecily: I'm older than you.

Grantaire: Ladies, please let's run.

Enjolras: Is it normal to be able to hear colors?

Hardy: Only if the drugs I put in your coffee work.

Enjolras: I think the cats talking to me.

Everyone else: *WTF expressions given.*

Enjolras: I think I'm going to lie down.

Hardy: You do that human. My plans for the domination of the north of France are coming into action.

*Forty five minutes later*

Grantaire: God… I need… alcohol….

Me: *crawling back into the barricade.* I… hate… sport…

Cecily: I think I was shot…

Me: Well there is the National Guard just on the other side of the giant furniture pile.

Cecily: No… just a stich

Grantaire: I never want to go on a run again.

Jehan: You lot went on a run?

Grantaire: More like a walk/ a little bit of running.

Courfeyrac: Please tell me someone recorded it.

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Author's note: So sorry for the long wait. I have excuses… for once. I had APC on the weekend or the weekend from hell. I had to walk 6 miles (4km) up a fucking hill, while it was raining. Then I got to camp in a tent with Anna Mae and Cecily (We are pro campers as you can see.). Eat ration packs which were yucky. Then the 'popular girls' (*cough*slags *cough*) in my year were all bitches and one said something really inappropriate. THEN I HAD TO GET UP AT 5! To walk 12 miles (8km) in the countryside. And the idiots let me be in charge of the map! So we got lost, ended up in a random farm. Got chased by a herd of possessed cows. I fell in sheep shit. And on top of this IT WAS FUCKING RAINING! We were also the first group to ever fail APC, going down in history there guys.

I also had house music yesterday which is huge singing competition in my school. Where you have to sing a part song, unison and a traditional welsh song. And my house won so woo! And I also dyed my hair from my natural color (blond) to brown. So for once I have excuses!

So goodbye for now and see you soon xxx


	36. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ENJY-PIG! Part 1

Author's note: Sorry for the long wait but the internet in school crashed and so there was NO INTERNET! My life has never been so boring. And then I was just too lazy to update to update.

Disclaimer: Yes I own les mis. I am also sat in my French alpine chalet drinking claret wine and eating bacon

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IT'S ENJY'S BIRTHDAY, LET'S THROW HIM A PARTY! Or maybe not…

Grantaire: Everyone put on the party hats and get the noisy making whistle things.

Me: Why… *insert yawn* it's seven in the morning.

Grantaire: its Enjy-pig's birthday!

Marius: You remember his but not mine.

Courfeyrac: That's because no one cares about you!

Marius: That's not true… Cosette cares about me.

Cosette: …..

Marius: ... really….

Cosette: I'm sorry Marius but… no

Marius: *runs away crying*

Feuilly: WOW, So much drama. But IT IS TOO FREAKING EARLY FOR POLAND'S SAKE!

Grantaire: Ok on the count of three… Uno, dos-

Me: I CAN BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH NEVER MIND SPANISH!

Feuilly: WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING SPANISH WHEN WE ARE FRENCH!

Courfeyrac: WHY ARE WE SHOUTING!

Grantaire: EVERYONE STOP SHOUTING!  
Enjolras: please… just shut up.

Grantaire: Guys you ruined the surprise.

Enjolras: What surprise?

Grantaire: *insert hissy fit*

Me: Was that necessary?

Grantaire: Yes.

*later on that day.*

Hardy: HEHEHEHE my evil plans should come together. By the end of tonight I will be the ruler of north France mwhahahahaha!

Max: Dude just give up… you are too weak to even climb the barricade.

Hardy: leave you insipid being.

Max: What does in-ins-s-sipid mean?

Hardy: I'm leaving before I catch idiot from you .

Enjolras: Why are you lot being so quiet. It is very unnerving.

Me: Well everyone has gone shopping for… um… erm stuff.

Enjolras: So convincing. If you want me to believe you give me a bit more conviction.

Me: Leave me alone I'm *extremely fake cough* very ill. I think I'm going to sleep.

Enjolras: Ok. But tell me why R was having a fit this morning.

Me: He may have been ever so slightly drunk.

Enjolras: Hmmmm

Me: Right…. Well… I'm going now. See ya later.

*Three hours later.*

Grantaire: Ok everything is ready. Courfeyrac, did you get the food?

Courfeyrac: Ya.

Grantaire: Cosette, did you get Princess Marius to calm down.

Cosette: Yup

Grantaire: And I've got the alcohol. All's go then.

Enjolras: What's all go?

Grantaire: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLONDE!

Enjolras: OH NO! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T

Grantaire: We did now shut up and put the hat on!

Enjolras: NEVER!

*Grantaire chases Enjolras with the party hat.*

Courfeyrac: You lot are such children. *sips beer.*

Me: There is a sparkly, pink unicorn piñata! GIVE ME IT NOW!

Courfeyrac: Yep, children.

Bahorel: Ring around the rosies

A pocket full of posies

A tissue, a tissue we all fall down.

Jehan: You do now that song is about people dying of the plague

Joly: WHO HAS THE PLAGUE! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!

*We lock Joly in the wardrobe.*

Enjolras: I think Grantaire is drunk… again

Grantaire: Let us battle our foes; the coconuts.

Me: Nah, this is a sugar rush more than anything.

Grantaire: It's time to sing Happy Birthday

Everyone: Hap-

*the barricade suddenly sets on fire.*

Enjolras: My barricade *faints*

_**To be continued….**_

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Author's note: Mwhahahahaha I have split this one in half just to annoy you all. MWHAHAHAHA!

So anyway I wrote this while babysitting… so basically I'm getting paid to keep an eye on a baby and write this while watching TV. Great.

So right now I'm on half term… woo no school... internet and edible food.

Izfish you do know that these people NEVER EXISITED SO CAN NOT THEROITICALLY BE DEAD? So if you are going to kick off saying they are dead well they never existed so umm… yeah.

Well bye for now and I'll update soon… or until I can be bothered to write xxxxx


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